Breathe in, breathe out, relax!
I was dabbling in yoga, Reiki and everything I could find of the healing arts and I realized I cannot meditate like a normal person (OK, who`s normal? 😛 )
I knew a lot of people able to do it, but as soon as I sat down and concentrated, my thoughts were going bananas, they were stepping on each other`s toes, trying to get first to the front of my mind.
I was doing what I was taught, acknowledge them, and send them on their merry way, but the thoughts were stronger.
Oliver, my Reiki teacher, gave me the name of an app, Insight Timer, which was dealing with all kinds of meditation. I installed it and went on „a run” to find something fit for me.
I chose guided meditation because instead of me fighting with my thoughts, I could just listen to someone telling me what to do, in a very kind, relaxing tone.
I chose one of them, 30 minutes long, to have time to relax properly and I heard a very soothing voice telling me what to do. After going over every single muscle in my body, the voice told me to imagine a big, green, and full of life garden. I did. It was my grandma`s garden, behind the house, where I used to spend a lot of time climbing the trees, looking for the elves and fairies from grandpa`s stories, talking to crows, „cooking” – in the animals` trough – all the veggies I could find in the garden, reading, under the walnut`s shade, the stories about the Olympian gods. Anyway, I was happy I found a proper garden to be in while meditating.
The voice said to imagine that the Sun was setting and his rays were coming from behind me, engulfing me in a purple coat of ….wait, what? Now I have to move on the other side of the garden? I was sitting comfortably on the side where the Sun was rising, not setting! OK, I will move, wait for me!
I moved (in my head) to the other side of the garden so I could see the Sun setting to the agreed rules of this meditation.
The voice continued saying that if I look in front of me I am going to find some stairs so I should go forward until I see them clearly. Hm, OK, if you say so, I will go. I started walking slowly until I got to the end of the garden and when I found the stairs I was wondering what are they doing there because that was the fence!
The voice said I should go down the stairs, slowly. I tried to, but the fact that I was in front of a fence was very annoying. What the voice was saying was that someone dug up some stairs that went under grandma`s fence!
I kept going as slow as I could but I was in the dark, on some steps, trying to balance the smells I was supposed to smell, the birds I was supposed to hear and, a new addition: the steps went into a second garden!
My brain went crazy: Is there another garden underground under grandma`s garden?? Does grandma know that? I knew that house and garden from top to bottom, I even went into the attic once and I almost gave myself a heart attack because I found grandma`s coffin and, inside it, were new clothes, towels, and handkerchiefs, new dishes, and cutlery, waiting patiently for her to die, so we can use them for her funeral (she bought all those things, cautious lady, ready for everything 🙂 )! Anyway, if that second garden was there, I, for sure, would`ve found it!
The voice continued, unable to hear the chatter of my thoughts fighting amongst each other, saying that in the second garden there are very bright, colorful flowers, butterflies and birds, and, on top of trying to see that, there was a fountain which sound I was supposed to hear. Wait a second, Sir! You want to tell me that we are dealing with a sunset, an underground garden (lights out!) and I am supposed to believe that not only I am able to see that as clear as day, but the birds and the butterflies refused to go to sleep tonight and they are flying all over the place?! I can imagine a lot of things, but not things that contradict my logic or the way this world is moving.
I stood up on my bed and stopped the meditation, realizing I had the opposite feeling of the one meditation is supposed to bring. Because I don`t enjoy feeling angry, I called Lucy and told her the story in a funny way. Her laughter cleaned my soul and I considered that meditation a success!
Every one of us is learning in different ways in and from life, depending on our perception of things. For me, water is essential when I drink it. For fish – it`s the only place they can live.
