Lamb is getting a massage

Holiday Spa Adventure

Every year on my birthday I am in another country, that`s why I set my holiday dates around that time. Since I want to spoil myself with a great gift, I choose a Spa. Not because it`s fancy, but because it’s supposed to be relaxing.  

I had an opportunity to feel relaxed in Fuerteventura, going to my hotel`s Spa. I went to make an appointment but they were short-staffed and all booked on my birthday, so I made an appointment two days later, before lunch.

With an open soul, a singing heart, and a sprint in my step, I went, on the set date, to the spa in the hotel`s basement. I paid for 30 minutes of body scrub, 30 minutes express facial, and a detox tea.

I was full of hope (I didn`t have the luggage full of dreams with me 😛 ) while entering the reception area. A young lady greeted me, asked me: “English or German?”, showed me to a seat and gave me a form to fill out (she wanted my name, email, mobile number, but she was not interested in any allergies I might have).

I wrote everything and signed it. The same young lady accompanied me into a spacious room with one bed, a sink with a wide mirror, and a shower room.

She asked me “English or German” (yes!), she told me in a few mangled English words to get undressed, she gave me a sealed pair of panties and she showed me (the way you see the flight attendants showing you how to use the safety vest) the bed on which to sit with the towel used as a cover. 

“She said jump, I said how high” 🙂 , so I jumped on the bed which was covered with a big plastic sheet. An instant thought went through my mind because that looked like a scene from a movie with a serial killer`s bed; he liked to keep his “place of work” spotless and tidy 😉 .   

Elena came back (that was her name) and asked me “English or German”. I said English again. I guessed I could`ve said anything at that point because I was sure she knew the same amount of words in German as well.

Without a warning (verbal or otherwise 😛 ) about her next move, she lifted the bed until I was in a sitting position and she placed my hands on my chest, like a Pharaoh, so I can hold the towel in position and then applied some sticky and cold substance on my back. That made my heart skip a few beats.

She pushed me back onto the bed and let it down, she covered my head and face with some flannels and she continued applying that freezing gel all over my body. It felt like I was submerged in a bathtub full of ice cubes.

When she finished she wrapped me up like a mummy in the plastic sheet and left me there for a while, without saying a word, closing the door with a loud “thud” that made me jump out of my skin.

I jumped when I heard the door again, this time the noise was like someone was moving very heavy furniture around the room. I couldn’t see anything through that flannel so I was thinking to myself: ”These people are moving out and they will forget about me, here, dressed to kill”.

I started thinking of a Reiki relaxation technique and I calmed down a bit. I didn`t have time to get to the end of it because I jumped again. That damn door!

Elena was back; she went through a few of the steps of a facial in a hurry (maybe that meant “express” 😛 ) like she was afraid her boss will catch her in the act of working outside of her hours.

She left me again, like a candy wrapper on a bench, but this time remembered to tell me, so I prepared myself for the door banging.

I finished my relaxation technique when I was startled again by that door. Then I heard the shower running.

Without saying a word, she yanked the towels and the flannels that were covering me, just like a toreador that wants to annoy the hell out of a bull; she lifted the bed so fast that I was already contemplating kissing the floor very soon. I realized that my arms were wrapped tight on both sides of my body, like a crepe, so I could not break a fall. The sliding stopped and I felt some slippers on my feet. Since she didn`t say anything I have decided to guess her thoughts (yeah, Wicca has its uses 😀 ) and I sat up at the edge of the bed. She showed me the shower room, the way you show a caveman “fire bad” and she mimed for me to go and use it.

I moved slowly, like a baby who`s starting to find their feet, sticking to the plastic more with each step I took, and when I got into the shower she helped me get free. She showed me a towel I can use to dry myself and she left.

I turned on the water but on today`s “offer” was only the cold one, so I tried to play with that single handle with no symbols to show which is which. I waited for a while trying both sides and when I found the right one, I saw myself covered in mud, like a little devil.

I tried to hang the showerhead in the standing position because I needed at least two hands to get rid of that stubborn mud. The shower stand was as high as a basketball basket and no matter how much I tried to get to it, all I managed to do was to wet my hair and face so I gave up. I tried the best I could to clean myself with one hand. It took me a lot of time, patience, and concentration to stand up on two feet because everything was slippery. When I finally finished and got out victorious to dry, I saw myself in the mirror. My back and the back of my legs were still black. I lost my nerve to get back into the shower; I used the towel to dry, I jumped into my clothes, got out of the room, left Elena five euros (why? I don`t know…) and I flew back to my room, boiling like a teapot (since Elena forgot about the detox tea that was part of the offer).

I felt disappointed and I didn`t know who to blame: the school Elena went to study massage or the employer that hired her. I studied one module of massage, I know what is supposed to happen there and I always expect to receive what Mara, my teacher from Dragomir`s Massage School taught me but I guess not every student is as lucky as I am. Too bad we cannot give ourselves a massage.

Another disappointment was that whatever I paid for (in the advertisement) was not what I received. Body scrub is not synonymous with body wrap!

My room was happy to see me. The feeling was mutual. I went into the shower and washed away my sins, no, sorry, the mud. I burst into laughter when I remembered that, while walking up the stairs to my room, there was a gentleman in front of me which I passed in a hurry. When I got in front of him, he asked me if I had an accident. The spa thing was still going around in my head so I didn`t pay attention to anything, therefore I didn`t reply. It just dawned on me what he was asking me 😀 .      

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