Guilty … as charged
As I wrote on this blog`s first page, I am writing for you, my dear friends, and sometimes, the ideas for my articles are coming from you; your problems, your questions, your struggles with life or other people.
One of the problems present in the lives of people with a conscience is the plain, old guilt. (Warning for the Virgos, you are the main “culprit” in this subject! 🙂 )
If they do something wrong or not, they feel guilty because they didn`t do more. It doesn`t matter that they don`t have the physical, material, emotional power to solve them (theirs or others) they still feel guilty. That makes them live in turmoil for days, then months until they are unable to function normally.
None of us came in this beautiful world as a Messiah with the tasks of solving everyone’s problems, being them our family or just people that we have around and love.
The intention of wanting to help, in any way, another being, is important and counts the most in our evolution. You can also help them, according to your powers and means, without selling your house or giving up your personal security.
Helping doesn`t mean giving up on yourself and your needs. If you, the helper, get to the point of endangering your health, your emotional state, your material security or life, it means that soon enough you`ll be on the other side of the barricade and you will need a lifeline. I guess you don`t want that, right?!
The thing that makes us overdo when helping is, I believe, thinking that we have more than other people.
Everything that we have, from all points of view, we owe it to ourselves; our work, our mind, our efforts, and we need to feel pride and happiness towards ourselves, not guilt!
We forget the second thing: solving someone`s problem and “fixing” someone are two different things.
Any problem has, at least, one solution but you don`t have to solve it!
While trying to help, you might meet another person who`s idea can help you solve the problem. I am stressing the fact that you don`t have to do it on your own and it is not for the lack of thinking on your part.
In regards to “fixing” a person to fit with you (like your partner) or to fit within a place, field of work, society – that isn`t within your power, but within her/his own (free will, right?).
Guilt, in all shapes or sizes, is taught from childhood onward and is spreading, like a virus, in all areas of our life.
In a family, it is more elaborate, from the child`s guilt for not following in his parent(s) footsteps to the parent`s guilt (in case of a divorce or death of his partner) rendering him unable to find someone else to share his life with.
In a relationship it is simpler, but is still guilt: one or the other feels guilty for not being good, beautiful, smart, and/or rich enough in order to not be abandoned.
In the professional life, guilt is very hard to carry around because the employee hears he`s not qualified, prepared, agile, smart enough to carry out his tasks (especially when the number of tasks is rising by the hour but the number of hours in a working day is the same or is rising as well without being paid extra). The wages stay the same, and the person`s energy is getting lower and lower to the point where any stimulus, positive or negative, doesn`t have any effect on him.
In society guilt is generalized, so I guess is easiest to deal with because you can choose to think “I didn`t do that because I am not part of that group they are talking about”.
I will close this article with these beautiful words by David A. Bednar: “Guilt is to the Spirit what pain is to the body”.
* Please note: the picture used for the article was taken by Celine Sayuri and posted on unspalsh.com. This way I wish to thank her very much for letting me use it.