Life together – Heaven or Hell?
For a while now, I feel the need to write articles about couples. Maybe because of the two divorces I`ve found out recently (I felt they were coming, but the partners, amazingly enough, didn`t see it).
A marriage has to be a celebration of two people going on a holiday, not a punishment. I am saying this because, not once, I have heard the phrase: “Are you insane? How can I go out with you for a ……, I am a married man/married woman?!”
So what?! What does it mean? That your life is over? Then I have to see the “holy matrimony” as a death of the individual?
I know it should be the communion of two people forming a whole, but that doesn`t mean that both of their individuality and identity will melt into one being.
Being single or someone`s “better half”, the person needs freedom, has the right to have its own secrets, hobbies, going for a coffee/tea with friends/girlfriends, has the right to socialize with other people, no matter their sex, nationality, religion, ethnicity, color; has, also, the right to have fun anywhere (yes, even in a streap club), to dream, to be alone for a moment/an hour/a day/a while, to escape (inside or outside of itself), to enjoy the silence.
The way more and more people talk to me about their marriage, it looks like this: after you say “I do” some of your essential rights disappear, and not only that, but they also get replaced by duties! There has to be a balance in anything, but on this matter, you go in with a handicap, getting to the point of having more duties than rights! You’d be safer marrying …The Constitution 🙂 , since it`s “THE ONE” guaranteeing all your rights.
If I remember well, The Church was the one “manufacturing” the institution of marriage, saying, in its defence, that was keeping people from fooling around while assuring the paternity of children born as a result of those communions. I believe this concoct brought the unhappiness of as much children and adults as the plague, cholera and the wars, all together.
A marriage should be the adventure of two free souls, who are playing and experiencing life together, exchanging ideas, helping each other grow, push each other to evolve, support each other while fulfilling their wildest wishes and dreams!
If someone decided to walk along you on this path, you should feel honored, because a lifetime is a veeerrrryy long time… You have to see that person as a hero 🙂 ; think about it this way: your parents – they gave you life, raised you and love you very much, but they don`t live with you anymore. That person – your partner – is right there with you, every single day! Don`t punish him for that 🙂 !
Love him, respect him, take good care of him, make him lots of surprises, do exactly what you want to be done to you, behave around him the way you want to be treated by him. Maybe he doesn`t do that yet, but he will, by example! We learn from each other every single day.
Don`t try to change him! People don`t change, they just evolve in better versions of themselves. Don`t ask him to guess your thoughts; many times we are unable to guess our own thoughts, and they are in OUR heads 😉 . Don`t take things/words/actions personally: in every discussion present company is always excluded.
Don`t you ever insult him! Break the damn lamp if you have to (it’s out of fashion anyway 😛 ), rip off the curtain (there is a nice one in the store, near you 😉 ), count until 20, but DON`T open your mouth to say something so awful that you`ll regret it for the rest of your life!
People are perfect in their own way. A very dear friend of mine once said that the partner doesn`t have to be perfect (in general) but he has to be perfect … FOR YOU! We are some Lego bricks – we need someone that fits US perfectly, not our family, our relatives, our lineage or even our society!
In the unfortunate case in which you feel, in your heart, that he`s not THE ONE and you cannot be happy being in that relationship, do not torment him just because “I swore in front of The Almighty God to be with you for better and for worse, until death do us part”. Those vows, any vows, are equal to nothing if they are not supported by love, and, as it happens, I know for a fact that God didn`t create Perfection to see it tormenting others or being tormented because of some society rules or a big “Ego” (what would our neighbors/ parents/ godparents/ grandparents/ kids/ colleagues/ Facebook/ Twitter say if I get divorced??).
If you treasure anyone`s opinion more than your own, you most likely live a lie, an illusion, and, the worst thing is that you live it to please the ones around you, not yourself!
I once read about our ancestor`s traditions – The Dacian people (in my opinion – one of the wisest tribes that ever lived on this earth) – who were crying at births and laughing at funerals.
I didn`t find anything said about the traditions regarding the weddings and I would really like to know any little thing about those.
All I hope, in the back of my mind, is that, in their infinite wisdom, they would beat the hell out of the couple getting married, in front of all the guests and family (instead of following the today`s boring ritual) following the idea “if you want two people to join forces, give them a common enemy”. Even if their love wasn`t strong enough, they would`ve become the best comrades :).