Guilty … as charged
As I wrote on this blog`s first page, I am writing for you, my dear friends, and sometimes, the ideas for my articles are coming from you; your problems, your questions, your struggles with life or other people.
One of the problems present in the lives of people with a conscience is the plain, old guilt. (Warning for the Virgos, you are the main “culprit” in this subject! 🙂 )
If they do something wrong or not, they feel guilty because they didn`t do more. It doesn`t matter that they don`t have the physical, material, emotional power to solve them (theirs or others) they still feel guilty. That makes them live in turmoil for days, then months until they are unable to function normally.
None of us came in this beautiful world as a Messiah with the tasks of solving everyone’s problems, being them our family or just people that we have around and love.
The intention of wanting to help, in any way, another being, is important and counts the most in our evolution. You can also help them, according to your powers and means, without selling your house or giving up your personal security.
Helping doesn`t mean giving up on yourself and your needs. If you, the helper, get to the point of endangering your health, your emotional state, your material security or life, it means that soon enough you`ll be on the other side of the barricade and you will need a lifeline. I guess you don`t want that, right?!
The thing that makes us overdo when helping is, I believe, thinking that we have more than other people.
Everything that we have, from all points of view, we owe it to ourselves; our work, our mind, our efforts, and we need to feel pride and happiness towards ourselves, not guilt!
We forget the second thing: solving someone`s problem and “fixing” someone are two different things.
Any problem has, at least, one solution but you don`t have to solve it!
While trying to help, you might meet another person who`s idea can help you solve the problem. I am stressing the fact that you don`t have to do it on your own and it is not for the lack of thinking on your part.
In regards to “fixing” a person to fit with you (like your partner) or to fit within a place, field of work, society – that isn`t within your power, but within her/his own (free will, right?).
Guilt, in all shapes or sizes, is taught from childhood onward and is spreading, like a virus, in all areas of our life.
In a family, it is more elaborate, from the child`s guilt for not following in his parent(s) footsteps to the parent`s guilt (in case of a divorce or death of his partner) rendering him unable to find someone else to share his life with.
In a relationship it is simpler, but is still guilt: one or the other feels guilty for not being good, beautiful, smart, and/or rich enough in order to not be abandoned.
In the professional life, guilt is very hard to carry around because the employee hears he`s not qualified, prepared, agile, smart enough to carry out his tasks (especially when the number of tasks is rising by the hour but the number of hours in a working day is the same or is rising as well without being paid extra). The wages stay the same, and the person`s energy is getting lower and lower to the point where any stimulus, positive or negative, doesn`t have any effect on him.
In society guilt is generalized, so I guess is easiest to deal with because you can choose to think “I didn`t do that because I am not part of that group they are talking about”.
I will close this article with these beautiful words by David A. Bednar: “Guilt is to the Spirit what pain is to the body”.
* Please note: the picture used for the article was taken by Celine Sayuri and posted on unspalsh.com. This way I wish to thank her very much for letting me use it.
A Christmas Tree Story … but not only
I was living in the United States and Christmas was quickly approaching.
I despise the idea of buying a real Christmas tree because they are cut down for our selfish pleasure that lasts for a month or less. If you want a real Christmas tree, plant one in your garden and decorate it every year; otherwise buy a plastic one, because they are worth the investment.
I went shopping with my partner, Geo, at Kroger`s and as soon as we got out of the store we saw a wired enclosure which was housing lots of real Christmas trees for sale.
We decided to go, being curious about the prices. They were all beautiful; either small or big; they even had a few giants.
Far behind, at the end of the little trail, was a small one, thrown there like a useless object, along with other ripped off branches from other trees.
That wonderful tree, when it had roots, it used to take carbon dioxide from the air, and “exhale” oxygen, just so we can grasp another breath of clean air in our lungs. It did it without asking for anything in return, without being “too sick to go to work”, “caught up in daily problems”, “too angry to do anything”. Now IT was treated like a piece of garbage :(.
Geo asked me if I wanted to buy a Christmas tree. I said I want to know how much is the one laying in front of us. He called the vendor and I asked him about the price.
The vendor tried, of course, to make us aware of the diversity of his products and told us that we should look around; he was sure we will find a proper tree. He added that the one we were interested in lost its top when they were transported there, so it lost its value.
I couldn`t stop the tears coming down my face. I could barely breathe and I felt the anger building up inside my head. I am not a violent person but the only thought I had in my mind at that moment, was to jump on his throat and make him lose his own “top”, to see how much was he worth after that.
Geo knew I will not leave the place without that Christmas tree, so he told the vendor that we will take it. He looked at us confused, but he agreed.
I cried my eyes out until we got home, feeling angry that I am part of this human race, to live in a society that sacrifices EVERYTHING for people, even if human beings have a lot of work to do until they evolve enough to deserve to even walk this wonderful Earth.
It`s been so long since that day …
I was, for a long time, the follower of the rule of conquering the “wars” through shouting and hullabaloo. Some I won, some I lost, but I never kept score to see if this barbarian style has over 50% chance of winning, but I learned a lot from them.
I saw that, sometimes, I was winning because the other person was “throwing the glove” with an enigmatic smile on his face.
I kept on asking myself what was hidden behind that smile. Well, it was the smile of the wise, which won the war by letting me think I was the winner. Strange, right?
It`s very simple to reply to a slap with another slap, or even a punch, but what is the end result of that fight? The one that keeps hitting back is our Ego, not the being inside of us.
I looked around and I`ve rarely seen people who know how to fight … clean.
The easiest way is the “slime” that we gathered, in time, about our “opponent”.
What happens when you throw mud, for real, at someone? Don`t you get dirty, as well?
As the real mud, the emotional one leaves “stains” inside our soul.
We are collecting more and more “stains”, without looking for a way of “cleaning” them, and we carry them around, like a bag of stones, affecting every relationship we try to build.
I recently had a discussion with a friend who had problems with his manager. He asked me what to do. I told him it`s up to him what kind of a “warrior” he chooses to be; a weak one that uses screams and bad words, or a strong one, capable of having a dignified and understanding attitude, and positive words.
He replied saddened that I am one of the few people who showed him that he has choices.
Since that day (the day of the Christmas Tree), I kept growing up, and I realized that the resentment I was feeling towards my peers wasn`t going to help me transform them, so I looked for other ways to do it; through love, acceptance, leniency, compassion and the potential to teach them that things can be done in a non-invasive way… and … it worked! 🙂
I cannot (yet) change the entire planet – I can after I clone myself :P, but, until then, I will do it one person at a time, every day, every single moment of my life.
I can`t say that it`s foolproof, I met my fair share of failures, but I never gave up.
It`s hard sometimes because I have the “skill” to help people, but they have to work with themselves, and some of them are not willing to do that.
I also learned, after a long time, that helping “by force” is breaking the free will rule, and, as a Wiccan, I cannot do that.
I rarely offer advice, and only if the person insists.
I am trying to plant the seeds of understanding and kindness not by teaching it, but by acting that way with the people around me. It`s the easiest way to learn for beings who want to evolve.
Since it`s Christmas season, I want to wish you all to be healthy, happy, loved and full of joy!
And, since I have an elf whispering in my ear, I will also wish you a Happy Hogmanay!! 🙂
To be or not to be … happy
Living in the XXI century I was expecting to see a different mindset but so-called tradition still shows its teeth.
I encounter more couples whom feel they are drowning in their own lives and think they are supposed to live a different life than the one they are living but they cannot get to it. It`s either the lack of money, lack of time or most cases, they hit a brick wall when trying to talk to their partner.
I know the teachings the old generations were brought up with, teachings which were passed to us as well: some stuck to them like glue to paper; others chose to break free from them.
They are as follows: go to school, then University, find a good job, get married, have kids, work hard to raise them, stay alive to be able to get to retirement age and then do whatever you want.
Isn`t it kind of late? How many of us will get to retire since we live hectic and stressful lives?
There is another word of wisdom, sneaked in there by a wise man, who sounds like this: ”Don`t delay, do it today”. No, it isn`t about deep cleaning the entire house but about living today, because tomorrow this offer might expire.
I am not a pessimist, I couldn`t be even when I went through a rough patch but I saw a lot of people very dear to me, whose lives were cut short unexpectedly and every time I said ”I will start living tomorrow, because I don`t know when my holiday here is over”.
A lot of us are waking up to the reality, slowly but steady our number will rise and that makes me happy because I am bored to live amongst robots and amazingly enough, be seen as the abnormal one.
Actually, they are right to see me that way: the normality is given by the majority. (Steven James Bartlett`s book title “Normality does not equal mental health” felt like a relief 🙂 ). I am still waiting for the time when the robots will be seen as abnormal and eventually, they will awake as well.
You, the ones awake, must keep the dialogue open with the ones you love and tell them what you expect from life, so they can tell you the same. Don`t let the distance come between you because you`ll become the loneliest people in the world, even though you are in a relationship!
There isn`t a worse feeling than a couples loneliness and I am not talking about what I`ve read.
If you chose to be with that person for a lifetime it means you had a lot of things in common. Start there and go beyond. Your partner has desires too, but he is not telling them to you because “we don`t have enough money, we have the kids to take care of, the workload is getting harder, we don`t have enough time, we have other priorities, etc.”
The number 1 priority is Our Happiness!
While we are working to pay bills, mortgages, and food, our inner being gets no satisfaction. Even farm animals are revolting from time to time and they have no conscience, no holiday plans, nor other priorities.
We are more than a salary, more than an employee, more than a mother/father, husband/wife, lover; we permanently need new stimuli, we need to see nice things, to visit unknown, exciting places, to read, to relax, to carry on with our hobbies, to be able to evolve, because THAT`S the reason we are here!
The painful conclusion is that we became voluntary slaves because we are not aware of our actual status.
If we don`t have time for ourselves, we don`t have time for our loved ones either, so why are we lying to ourselves that we are living?
Happiness does not come wrapped in fancy gift boxes, to fit our societies rules and standards and it doesn`t have any reasons to obey them. Happiness came first, society appeared after.
To be able to live in a fair world, we would have to offer happiness the head of the table and make society yield to it.
How can life be beautiful, when people are following rules invented to chain them!?
My Hair Salon Adventure
I don`t know how other people are but as long as I have known myself, I always went through an adventure, no matter where I was going or what I was doing. Some were awful, some were hilarious but even the awful ones brought joy to my friends, while I was telling them the stories, so any adventure, for me, is a blessing in disguise.
I never wanted a boring life, that`s for sure, so the Universe gave me what I asked for (be careful what your mouth is saying because the Universe is always listening 🙂 !)
One adventure took place last summer, in my lovely town of Exmouth.
Someone very dear to me said that I should give up on being the “Red Hair” lady, and become the dark mysterious witch, in other words: ”Change your hair colour, please, pretty please!!”
Since I have tried all the possible nuances of red, I decided “Why not?!”
Easier said than done.
I took a day trip around town to all the hair salons I knew so I can find out the best prices for such an elaborate operation because my hair is very long so I expected the prices to match that case.
From six hair salons, I chose the “exotic” one (Turkish) and cheap (£50), because the owner didn`t scream and run away when he saw my amazingly long hair.
I made the appointment at 14.00, so I can give them more time to do the job right, so on that day I went there and gave my … hair to them.
The owner was busy with a client that had her hair transformed to resemble a peacock, so he showed me with a slight move of the head the young lady that was charged with taking care of me and my treasure.
She asked me in a birdy voice if I would like something to drink, like tea or coffee (if I had known what was in store for me, I would`ve asked for something very strong!).
Since I was on Middle Eastern “territory“ I asked if I could have a Turkish coffee. The owner`s wife, Turkish as well, didn`t know what that is, so she asked the hairdresser (again, Turkish).
She explained very simply: ”You know how Turkish tea is made? Do the coffee the same way.”
The owner`s wife disappeared, came back three minutes later saying they don`t have any coffee. Since we solved the problem that was getting in our way, I said: “Thank you, I don`t want anything else”.
I took a seat in that lavishing, wonderful chair, I looked in the colour catalogue, showed the hairdresser the blackest black I could find and she started working on me.
She forgot to apply cream on my face contour, but I thought the UK has a different procedure or they have better cleansing solutions for cleaning the dye stains from the skin, so I just sat there, smiling dumb, listening to music and dreaming about my perfect beauty after the job was done.
The hours were passing us by and she managed to finish half of my head and empty a bowl of dye (half of it was resting all over me because she left my hair hanging all over my face and neck) so she went to bring more material.
She came back and continued the d(ie)ying operation whilst asking me what else do I want after she`s done? I told her to leave the hair damp, because it has its own personality and it likes to get dry naturally but can trim the endings and, if she can, I would like my hair to be braided.
She asked the owner if they do braidings, he said no. I told her I don`t want something fancy, just a normal braided ponytail. She said she can do that.
After finishing the second bowl of dye, the owner told her something in Turkish, and I don`t know the language but from the way things were moving, he might have told her that she needs to remove the dye from my hair because it was there longer than it had to be, therefore she took me to the washing chair.
As soon as she started washing my hair I felt a sharp pain in my chest and I knew something is wrong. She was washing my hair the way women washed the clothes in the old times by the river! The back of my head didn`t see the water. I guess the courses she took to become a hairdresser were very firm on that: if it cannot be seen, leave it unwashed!
She added some conditioner but she rinsed it all. After she moved me back on the initial chair, she got from her drawer a very thick brush and she started brushing my hair from up to down. I thought I am going to faint. I told her that my hair has a very silky texture (in case her professional eye didn`t see that) and being that long, it cannot be unknotted with such a brush, but she can knot it very well, as long as she keeps on trying 🙂 .
I looked in her drawer and found a comb like the one I use and she started using that the same way, from the top on my head to the endings, until my hair, my beautiful and amazing hair!… the apple of my eye! (I totally understand Samson 🙂 ), became just like the wool of a sheep that ran into too many thistle bushes. The only thing I saw in front of me was a pair of scissors.
I remained calm (but inside me was a tornado, to say the least, the smile disappeared from my lips) and I told her that the hair needs more conditioner. She brought me some, I took the comb from her hands and started brushing, but my hair was a complete mess.
She kept on asking me if I want my endings trimmed. I told her that before we get to that point the hair needs to be unknotted. She added that if I want it dried she will add £15 to the initial rate. I repeated that unknotting comes first and I will also have to cancel the trimming (she barely knew what kind of brush to use, I would not want that person close to my hair with something sharp in her hands) and no, I said from the beginning that I don’t want it dried (goldfish memory – 3 seconds only, but to be true, had been 3 hours since she started destroying my hair, and she was tired).
I guess for her it didn`t seem such a long experience because she said that it took her a bit more than 20 minutes to dye my hair (I don`t know what type of measuring equipment they are using in Turkey, but the time didn`t match the one from the UK).
The owner saw me trying to manage my hair while keeping my head down, so he asked me if I am crying. “Nope, not yet. Soon though”. He laughed and he told the hairdresser to finish faster “whatever she had left” because they are running out of time (Turkish time or UK one, I wanted to ask).
When I heard that I stood up, with my hair dripping all over my clothing, made a loop on top of my head with it and I asked how much I owe them for whatever was done up until that point.
The hairdresser told me to take a seat so she can clean my face (she tried to do it earlier, but her efforts were futile).
I repeated back to her what the owner said, that they are out of time (because of another appointment or because they need to close the shop) so all I want to do is pay and leave. She said that I owe them £55 (£5 over the initial rate).
I paid and I left. She asked while I was leaving if I want to make another appointment for the trimming. I told her I will ask one of my friends to do that for me because he is not a professional hairdresser.
I left in a hurry and when I saw my reflection in a window store I was stunned. My face was literally painted for a Halloween party! The truth is, after the “washing of the hair” operation, I was so angry that I avoided looking in the mirror, being afraid I will break it with one glance. I could feel the water coming down my neck, on my clothes, so as soon as I got home I had to throw them away.
The “trip” from the hairdresser to the house it`s 5 to 10 minutes and I have to cross the entire town, so I tried to get home on the side streets, like a well-known criminal, hiding from the police, avoiding the looks of the passers-by. It was a warm sunny day and every person in town decided to take a walk in the sun, especially on those little streets, usually deserted. If that wasn`t enough, some acquaintances drove past me, blowing their horn in recognition, one more reason to be looked at.
When I saw my porch I felt relaxed and happy. The majority of people that live in my house were at work. As soon as opened the porch I saw half of them gathered around for a beer, bathing in the sun and talking. They were off that day… “Thank you, dear Universe. I felt a dying need to be admired today!”
Their mouths opened in shock, one by one but then they saw the venom in my eyes so they swallowed any questions they might have had. I ran past them like lightning and I locked myself in my lovely, silent room. Finally alone!
I put a handful of conditioner on my head, and I cried, and I wailed after each and every single thread of hair that was falling, like a little warrior, in the garbage bin. Half an hour later I managed to bring back to life whatever was left of it.
I went into the courtyard to smoke a cigarette and one of the girls from the house cleaned the dye from the back of my head because I couldn`t.
While I was telling the story I saw them go from shock to calm and then to a very healthy and liberating laughter and that changed my feelings, so I went from anger to laughter as well. No matter how bad that experience was, the fact that it brought laughter, made me feel better.
Life is wonderful! As strange as this may sound… I take life very seriously but I live it as a fun game!
Happy Holidays!
There are two more weeks until Christmas. “Yey”, some might say.
Don`t get me wrong, I love celebrations, but most of all I celebrate life!
I look around me and everyone is under pressure, looking for the perfect gift, (some end up buying any gift), so the receiver is happy to get something on Christmas morning.
I understand the value of giving, I am crazy about it, but I feel like Christmas (and all the other holidays) went through a big metamorphosis over the years and, instead of being about Christmas spirit; being cheerful, helpful, thinking of other people that are in need, being nice and kind to everyone … it`s all about presents which, are cheaply made, useless and are getting more expensive every year!
I already made a deal with my loved ones, saying that I don`t only celebrate all known holidays but I am celebrating every single day that I am alive!
I don`t need to wait for a celebration to buy gifts, I do it all year round because they are always received with emotion and happiness (they are actually received better when they appear out of the blue 😉 ).
And something else that bothers me: what stops us being kind, helpful and merry every day? Is there a law that says we have to be that way only around Christmas?
I used to enjoy winter holidays when I was a kid. Maybe I didn`t get the biggest and most expensive gifts but I was happy to see the decorations my mum made out of oranges, bananas and grapefruit under the tree, to feel the smell of baked sweets all over the house, to see my parents getting excited while expecting guests, to hear the laughter and music all evening and see the snowflakes dancing in the air then silently falling on my balcony.
I was blessed with a wonderful childhood and the nicest celebrations of Christmas and I know a lot of people whom are like me, who are reliving those times … We cannot bring them back, not yet anyway, (the time machine is in the making 😉 ) but, we can recreate them in our homes.
I would like to finish this article in a positive manner so, I wish your hearts and minds be filled with love and understanding. I wish you`ll only meet wonderful people like yourselves, I wish you mental and physical health, I wish you`ll be surrounded by joy and wealth and, be struck by luck every time you`ll need it the most!
May you all be blessed!
Happy Hogmanay!
Carpe Diem!
A friend passed away (it`s been almost a year, but I feel the pain like it happened yesterday); another one is getting ready to follow in his footsteps. I don`t know how to react to this or if there`s a suitable reaction for such cases. They are not cases, that`s our reality.
Today we are walking on the street, admiring the Sun, Mother Nature, the tree in front of our porch; tomorrow we`re going to the funeral of someone dear to us, we say good bye, after which, the next day we go to work, then shopping and so on …
We keep asking ourselves what is life, but we don`t start living it the way it`s supposed to be lived.
We don`t even try to be kind to the people around us, lenient with someone that hits us by mistake while passing us by, understanding someone that wants to get out of the store at the same time with us, benevolent with someone that tries to get out of the parking lot in front of us.
We refuse to see the things from today as if tomorrow they might not be there. We act like we are eternal and bored. We take everything for granted. We are mistaken and refuse to see it.
Isn`t there anything shocking enough to wake us up, literally, to live, to make us appreciate every moment, every breath we take, every smile, every kind gesture, every gust of wind, every flower and make us want to explore the depths of our souls, begin our inner transformation, that`s going to contribute something better, for the existence of others?
Don`t we really understand that what we leave behind, after our final breath, has a great influence on everyone still standing?
We postpone happiness until … someday, while we feel like losers and keep on running after a fistful of coins. If we are gone tomorrow, what value will the money from today have?
I don`t want to hear yeah, you`re right; I have to change something.
All I want is for you to take a break, look at your existence with eyes wide open and take drastic measures NOW!
A day in UK
Lisa had a day off the same day I had. We decided to spend some time together without following a schedule. When you are with the right person you don`t need elaborate plans.
It was our first day out even though we know each other for over four months. She started by being my work mate and ended up being my friend.
My day began with a walk on the Budleigh Salterton`s beach even though was raining and windy. On the horizon, the sunlight looked like a wavy curtain over the sea. I looked amazed the entire spectacle of light and water while thanking the Universe for the wonderful place I am living in.
I don`t know when the time went by and I remembered that I need to get to the beauty salon before 9 o`clock.
Fiona opened the door with a big smile. She got the room ready to pamper me. The entire hour I was in and out of dreams.
When I was done and twice as beautiful, I called Lisa. It was still raining. I waited for her in a pharmacy, looking for a anklet for my new pain. Lisa was fast; she was parked close by.
She put in my frozen hands her hot cup of coffee. Was my half. We do that when we work as a team, spoiling our partner with a little piece of cake, a biscuit, a slice of apple.
She was happy that we can drive around for a few hours with no purpose, just be together, relax and have fun, without talking about work. With a naughty look she told me I will get to see The Bicton Gardens. “You fit right to that place, believe me! I wanted to take you there for a long time.”
I would`ve been the right fit if that day was a sunny autumn one, but the rain was very determined to pour. As much as I was able to see from the parking lot left a good impression on me: Mother Nature was wearing interesting shades, from yellow to brown and from the lightest green to the darkest.
I was enchanted! Lisa visited the gardens in the summer, and now she was trying to imagine next summer, with the two of us in it, carrying picnic baskets, laying on the blankets, looking at the trees, listening to the birds… I smiled imagining the same thing. “A nice and simple dream of which I will personally take care” I said to myself, looking at her happy face, listening to the increasingly amount of words that left her little mouth, describing that day.
The next stop was in front of A la Ronde – “a cute little house” she added. Unfortunately it was closed but we put it on our “must see” list for next time. It was a 18th century 16 sided house.
As soon as we were back on the road, Lisa remembered she knows another place that I need to see. She stopped the car in a parking lot that surrounded a big store-like building and she kept on asking me where is the entrance. The parking lot was full. When we got inside I was so impressed that I felt the need to share it with someone, so I looked around, I saw an employee stacking the shelves and I told him “You have a very nice store!” He smiled and said a very sincere “Thank you!”
It was a “posh”store (a word the English use for something that`s higher than the normal standard), with a wide variety of products: food, drinks, fruits, veggies, etc. The way they were arranged caught my eye (their marketing level was good!). I usually go shopping like Speedy Gonzales, but in this store I stopped, admired and read all the labels. They had more wings that accommodate a gift shop, a toy store, a food court and a cafeteria.
The scent of fresh cooked food, coffee and hot croissants made my senses go haywire.
I didn`t feel the time passing by and, at the end of this visit, I felt like I was in a different world. What made me come back was Lisa, giggling every time she found something else to admire and was eager to show them to me, like a little kid that goes shopping for the first time with his mom.
I bought some things for Lisa and myself, and, before we left, I looked back one last time. My eyes met the eyes of the employee I saw when we got in. I wished him a wonderful day and while I was turning my head, I heard him say: ”Can I offer you a free cabbage?”
The air froze! I was trying to determine if I heard right, while trying to find a quick explanation for his offer (typically feminine 🙂 ). He saw my puzzled face and he quickly added that they had it since yesterday and was not very fresh. Since my timing was off, I heard Lisa answering in my place: ”Of course she`ll take it, thank you!”
The man came up to me, happy and smiling like I won the award for the best customer ever, and he handed me out the cabbage. My head was spinning so the only thing that came out of my mouth was: ”Can I kiss you?” His answer: two big arms, coming towards me in a hug. He cuddled me so strong, that I missed the oncoming breath.
He was around 50 years old, nice grey hair, big as a bear, cute and all a smile. I thanked him again for the gift and we left. He remained there, like a statue, watching us. Until we got to the car Lisa drove me crazy with her theories and her laughter (in a good way, of course 🙂 ).
I gave her the cabbage and no, it was not from yesterday. It still had drops of water on its leaves. Lisa said he just wanted to give me something, anything, and the only thing he had, at that moment, in his hands, was the cabbage (he might`ve, as well, hold the keys from a Mitsubishi Galant from 2003 🙂 ).
I was watching Lisa playing the detective, explaining the “Cabbage Affair” in ten thousand ways. She was so happy, she had her mouth up to her ears. I had it, too. She is more beautiful when she`s laughing. The entire trip I heard slight variations of the same theme, the final conclusion was that we have to go back there soon.
The store is actually Darts Farm Shopping Village, located in Topsham, Exeter. I looked for it on the internet and it`s bigger than we thought. At least I know why it`s so expensive: they get their products from the farms around it so everything they sell is bio.
Our driving adventure stopped at the hospital. Lisa had an appointment for her blood analyzes. It was my first time in an English hospital. I was impressed by the way it looked: had the interior design I had in mind every time I went in one of the hospitals from Bucharest.
It looked more like a kindergarten: warm and relaxing colors on the walls, a billboard full of information, little tables full of toys, books and games, lots of chairs, the staff kind and smiling, like we were in a travel agency. Even the patients, mostly old, were smiling and chatty.
At 12.20 straight they invited Lisa in one of the offices. I followed because I promised her I will hold her hand 🙂 . I tried to volunteer my own blood, but the nurse refused me with a smile. Lisa`s face went white in a matter of seconds, her feet went numb but she regained her strength when we got to the parking lot. As soon as she saw the cabbage she started joking again.
It stopped raining and the sun found a way to pierce the clouds. We drove towards the end of the beach, the favorite spot of everyone in town. We sat in the car silent, hypnotized by the waves washing on the shore. I opened the window and along with the relaxing sound of waves came the strong salty algae smell. From the radio, Consoul Trainin`”Take me to infinity” was filling up the atmosphere.
I was present in that moment, enjoying it with every cell, having the clear feeling that I am exactly where I am suppose to be. There is a limited number of feelings that are important to a human being. The feeling of belonging is one of them.
It took us a while to stop daydreaming. Lisa had to go to her mom`s house, to help her cook dinner. Her brother was coming over with his family, too.
We thanked each other for that day, so simple but so wonderful, and we refused to make any plans for the future. We knew, in our case, they will not pan out the way we say. Deciding today for tomorrow will give the best results.
I got home with a smile still hanging on my face, I put on some music and I just dived into my cuddly bed. I kept staring at the ceiling for a long time, unable to move. I was happy! My solar plexus was on fire, giving me the sensations of light, warmth, calm, well being. I don`t know if I read or heard somewhere, but we have the same feeling when we hold a small, furry animal in our arms.
I missed that sensation… The rift I caused between myself and my loved ones by leaving the country, all the tears we shed, made me, for a while, think of myself as being a selfish little creature. Maybe that`s why my beginning on the UK soil was so difficult.
I cannot look back, it would be hell for me to relive the first month here. The mighty Universe was always watching me closely. I couldn`t feel our connection, I was in too much pain, but IT found ways to prove me I am still under ITS protection. There were little things, but my attention was always awake and there was no way I could miss them: a little dog determined to hug me and lick my teary face; a crow ready to talk to me from person to … crow 🙂 ; a handful of kids eager to invade my space like the Ottoman Empire, more interested to be around me than having fun at the close by fair; lots and lots of smiles and “hello”-s from simple passerby… all of those were signs that I am not alone in this big world.
Now I see it. And these people, The Brits, won`t stop amaze me with their charm …
Follow your dream!
When two (or more) people tell you that you are drunk, you have to go to bed and sleep it off.
This article is not about alcoholic drunkenness, it`s about having big dreams, dreams that make others think you are drunk, crazy or smoked weed.
We are scared to follow our dreams because we are surrounded by people that feel the same, and when we are trying to “get out” in the world, we rarely find someone able to support our ideas and encourage our actions. It`s pretty sad, but true. We can even expect to battle our own parents, because people reject the changes that affect their emotional, material, professional, etc. comfort.
Being able to get out of your comfort zone is scary, I agree, but it`s rewarding in ways you cannot even imagine.
The best part is that a new life is bringing new people, new things, new activities, new … everything, so you can start over and make the life you want.
It`s a chance for you to do it better. That`s evolution! We are here to learn, to experience everything in any way possible, and not to live an insipid existence.
We are coming here with a purpose, but we don`t accomplish it for many reasons.
We keep losing ourselves in this mundane existence that`s taking our power, our life force, our will, and this way we become little robots, using our energy to please our “masters” that come in any shapes and forms: our family, our spouse/husband, our kids, our bosses, our neighbors, our colleagues, the entire society, BUT US!
Since we always put ourselves on the second place, we postpone our wishes, waiting for the right moment, a special day, another month, maybe next year, a substantial paycheck, a better job, a miracle …
If we are lucky, from time to time we see “the light” in the form of a person or an experience, a joke or a story, some words on a bus or a picture on the internet, things that are trying to “talk” to us to a deeper level. If we pay attention and keep looking for them, we will see lots and lots more, and we will stay awake. All we have to do is follow the road they are showing. If we ignore them, they will still appear, but we will not be able to perceive them.
One way we can start following our dream is to become kids. Not act like kids, but think like them. They don`t know the phrase “it`s impossible”, they are resilient, courageous, and don`t care how many people are against their actions and which are the consequences. They do what they want and win. If /when they fail, they don`t give up. They buckle up and try again.
Keep in mind: the most important thing is to know exactly what you want!
Once you know that, everything will align with your wishes, and you`ll see how magic things will start to happen. They are not magic at all, they are real, but your analytical mind kept telling you that life is … life, there is no magic in it.
The worst part (yes, there is one, if you turn around) is that you`ll feel unfit, empty and sad.
Nothing will be the way you left it, not because something changed in your absence, but because you changed. You are not the same person that left!
It doesn`t matter how long you`ve been away. Things are changing inside you every single moment. Once you`ve been exposed to something else, something better, and you left it, for God knows what reasons, nothing will be the same.
People who stayed behind will see you as an arrogant person, envy will begin to rise and your life will begin to look like a tiresome adventure. You`ll try your best to fit, to readapt, you`ll lie to yourself every single day, thinking that the reason for which you came back was correct, necessary, the right one, but, at the end of the day, nothing will make you feel better. The hole in your heart will get bigger, the hunger for “the other life” will grow and nothing will satisfy you.
What should you do? Quit complaining! Accept it or do something! People can only listen to your cries but they can`t act in your place!
How do I know? I`ve been “there” for seven long years, and I know others like me. I always say that we are unique, but this experience, on every occasion, was followed by the same pattern.
I finally had enough, I put all my energy into my wish, and now I watch it bloom.
There is no turning back for me, I burned all my bridges. (Sometimes we sabotage ourselves and I wanted to avoid that.) There is nothing left for me to come back to, this way I am sure I will only follow the road ahead and move forward.
All I feel is Happiness! My dream, my wonderful and magic dream is starting to take shape and I feel in my heart that I can be and do whatever I want! I chose to silence my noisy mind. Our minds are calculating, but they cannot see into the future; our hearts are the only ones that know it!
In conclusion: when people are telling you that you are drunk, crazy or that you smoked weed, when it comes to following your dream, go wash your face and look yourself in the mirror. If you still feel driven, go for it! Those people need distance glasses; you already see the future!
Don`t be afraid! There is nothing to be afraid of! The unknown is scary because you didn`t experienced it yet!
Eden Phillpotts caught the entire idea of this article in a wonderful phrase: “The Universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”
People vs. People
People ask me if there`s a magic formula to help them obtain everything they want from other people.
Wicca has lots and lots of rituals, but the first rule is : An it harm none, do what ye will! (that includes affecting another being`s free will!).
No matter how many ingredients you use in a ritual, the most important of all is Faith that everything you are asking for is going to happen exactly the way you need.
If you want something from a person, the easiest way is to treat that person as the little god of his universe, because THAT`s what he is, even if he doesn`t know it or believe it.
This “treatment”should come from you naturally, don`t try to force it, it`s not working that way! Keep in mind: the person in front of you has a soul too, and he would know, unconsciously, that you don`t believe your own words.
Anytime I need something (information, advice, etc.) I go to the most qualified person in the room, having a kind and respectful tone of voice and a big smile on my face, and, most of the time, I see the person`s face getting brighter, her look getting warmer towards me, even her posture changes.
It`s true, there are a handful of exceptions, but those people fought a lot of wars with unfair and ironic colleagues, reason enough to avoid being friendly with anyone else, by hiding behind an angry or glumly face (even if their hearts are warm).
It`s not impossible to get the info you need from them; all I am saying is that it will take a bit of work from you, but believe me, it`s worth it! There is nothing more satisfying in the world than seeing a person transforming in front of your eyes, by your doing!
Any being deserves the best and the most beautiful things, and if you are the one that offers them to her, one way or another, you`ll feel your day was not wasted in vain; you DID something good (on top of getting the info you needed)!
It is tough work, I know. It`s easier to ignore or yell some bad words, but if we are the kind of beings that want to live on a higher level than the material one, we don`t need to choose the easy way out (those are for common people) but we can accept a challenge.
Winning a “battle” like this brings you a kind of satisfaction that cannot be compared to anything in the world. Is our soul contentment, has little to do with our big Egos.
I don`t want to hear “I didn`t study psychology to know people”.
It`s common sense, not a psychology treaty. It doesn`t matter your field of study, your professional training, your job, your profession – we are all natural born psychologists.
We know how to treat the people in our life, but sometimes we don`t “walk a mile in their shoes”, and that`s when misunderstandings happen. We have to analyze a problem from all points of view, to really have a grasp on what a person needs to hear from us.
And, please, don`t say : ”Who`s gonna do the same for me?”
As long as you aren`t willing to act like a real human being just to see a smile on that person`s face, you can`t expect to be treated the same.
When you do a good deed, think you just helped yourself!
We don`t have to forget one thing: we, The People, are going in the same direction! Isn`t it easier to do it together?!
Since we started with magic, will finish with another rule, even if it`s universal, not necessarily a Wiccan one:
“Ever mind the rule of three,
What ye send out comes back to thee!“
Faith vs. Religion
I`ve recently seen an episode of Da Vinci`s Demons, that had a grim scene: the Turks (who conquered an Italian city) aligned all the prisoners and made them choose: they accept Islam as their true religion and keep their lives, or they keep the Catholic faith and lose their heads.
I instantly put myself into their shoes (conscious living is my middle name 😉 ) and I realized I would`ve chosen my life, no matter what! Why? Why not?
I am a soul that decided to experiment life and evolve here, on this marvelous planet, or having a dead body doesn`t help my “mission” at all.
There are a lot of people that consider my statement a blasphemy (offense toward church, its representatives, God) but I can assure them that faith doesn`t “live” in our mouths, in our words, in our churches, in the gestures we make when we pray, in the food we are eating, but inside our hearts!
No one can access that part of ourselves, but us.
Faith and religion are two different things, but people confuse them all the time; moreover, they see them as synonyms. They aren`t, really.
I think our society problem starts here, as a result of this confusion. Religion is practiced in churches (why only there?), where people are gathering to pray, they keep all the religious celebrations, they fast, but all these things are done on cruise control, “because that`s what the priest said we should do”.
Faith, on the other hand, is lived every second of every day (or how a wise being once wrote: “every gesture should be a prayer”).
Not once I`ve seen religious people becoming “monsters” in their day to day lives, forgetting their holy book`s commandments. We`re not defined by the religion we practice, but by our character, the choices we make in every situation, our reactions to anything that life throws at us.
I believe that a human being should be born with two essential rights: the right to choose its first name and its religion. This way it will be authentic.
One of the wisest man of our times, Mahatma Gandhi, said it simple and beautiful: “God has no religion.”