Family vs. Friends (a.k.a. A Bunch of Magic)

I recently received an email that drove me to write this article.

All beings are born and die alone, but from the moment they are born `till they get to the … final earthly countdown, they meet other beings who help them build, bit by bit, their own character; they either push them further on a higher road or they hinder their evolution; some will open a window for them, others will close the door. Some will be with them for a moment, some for a while, others will be there, at their side, forever. We need ALL these beings in our lives because they help us evolve.

The one that reaches out to help us needs to be appreciated on the  same level as the one that shuts the door in our face; the last one was sent by the Universe to tell us: ”This is not the road you need to take, try next door!”

The ones that are walking with us on the same path and support us become our friends. If they manage to withstand the test of time, they become part of our soul family.

I was lucky enough to have a lot of friends, the most wonderful and noble beings, that fate brought in my way, throughout my life, reason enough to see them as part of my family.

Some of them stayed with me for a while, then our ways parted; others stuck by my side until today and I want to thank them for the patience and love they showed me. I know I can be a difficult person but they managed to ignore that small, insignificant fact 🙂 and made me happy by staying in my life.

So, I am one of those people that have a big and diverse family, made out of friends, of all “shapes and sizes”; a united, beautiful, strong family, which I love and respect and keep close through thick and thin.

I know cases in which the natural family was not able to provide a stable, warm and caring environment for the individual. He tried his best, most of his life, to integrate, emotionally striving, but was left with a thirst for belonging.     

I don`t consider building a family ourselves a bad thing. I don`t see anything wrong in feeling “as a family” with people that are not our blood relatives. 

In Romanian there is a saying: ”Blood will never become water” but I am inclined to reject it. As in any relationship, when all fails, it`s better to withdraw and invest your energy in something that brings you satisfaction, peace of mind, in people that are on the same level of vibration with you and complete you.  

I know what I am saying sounds cruel and heartless, but we are all special, unique beings and we have the right to choose who we are spending our time with, who makes us feel happy and harmonious, with whom we are able to be ourselves, without the fear of being judged and blamed for everything. The ones that see us for who we are and accept us that way are really our family.

There are families that use emotional blackmail to keep the person enslaved, making him feel guilty, indebted to them, useless without them, without an exit, because “you cannot choose your family”.

I know the saying, but it supports the exact same thing as the Romanian one, and I have to insist that there is another option; you CAN build your own family, one that gives you the feeling of peace, well-being, acceptance, belonging, understanding, moral and emotional support, and unconditional love.

There are parents that think of themselves and act as masters towards their children because they didn`t understand they created free beings. They gave them life for themselves, not for their own personal use. They created a being so that being can experiment life on their own terms, make their own choices, be the only master of their life. The parents are meant to be teachers, guides and educators.   

I am writing this article for you, my dear friends, my lovely family made out of the most beautiful, wonderful people; the ones that stood by me when I was happy and sad, when I was full of joy and in big trouble, when I kept silent for months at a time and they respected my choice without feeling left out or abandoned. When they offered me guidance and help without acting as my judge or expected something in return, when they cried and laughed with me, when they supported my craziest ideas. They love me and I love them back, no matter how often or rarely we talk, no matter in which part of the world we are.

When I am in their presence our souls vibrate until we melt into each other, forming one big soul. I feel my heart full of joy equal only to the one felt by hermits when they are in the presence of greatness.

I feel tears in my eyes only if I think of how modest, beautiful and bright they all are, as they are made out of feelings, not flesh.

Since they are part of my life, they will be in my articles from time to time.

I feel honored by their presence, I feel complete and the only wish I have is to have them by my side for as long as possible.

Family is the basic cell of society… What do we do if we are not lucky enough to have one that helps us grow and become the best we can be? No, we are not alone, and we are able to find people like us and have the family we want and need.

I know beautiful families composed of grandparents, parents, children, grand-children and I also know beautiful families that are not blood-related.

Both are the basic cells of our society, a healthy and harmonious one.

P.S. “A family of kindred spirits is like a plate of food. No matter where they are coming from, together they form a great dish” (Lucy is a wise-ass 🙂 ).

Also, we thought since houses have names in some parts of the world; why not find a name for our family? And since they are a lovely bunch and they appeared in my life when I was lost and gave up hope, we decided to call our family A Bunch of Magic.    

Shush!! Mother Earth is resting :)

Today, 22.04.2020, we celebrate (as we do every year) “Earth Day” so I have decided to write this article, in her honor.

A lot of people are crying because their lives are being disrupted by the Coronavirus.

I heard lots of opinions about this: some are blaming a conspiracy brought by the Chinese, Russians and/or Americans, some blame the system (Which system? Doesn’t matter! A system, any system, they are so many … ), some think that is a god sent period for some to rest, a curse for some to die and for others to lose their businesses.

No one asked me, I know, but you cannot make me shut up as long as I have a brain full of words which are trying to escape my mouth every time I try to breathe, eat or just yawn 🙂 , so let me tell you those thoughts.

With a few exceptions (yes, a few compared to the number of people that live on Mother Earth today) people are taking everything for granted: breathing, moving around, seeing, hearing, smelling, Nature and their surroundings, their bodies, and, finally the ground beneath their feet: the planet we were very lucky to be born on.

Does anyone know what were the chances of our lovely planet being able to sustain life? Slim to none! BUT something, actually a lot of amazing and unique “somethings” happened, and if you want to find those out, watch “The Universe” (2007-2015) on Netflix still, and Brian Cox`s “The Planets” (2019) (on BBC iPlayer). After seeing those series I was mesmerized and I realized that there was a 99.99% chance for our planet not to be, therefore the same chances of us NOT to be here!

No matter who or what is to blame for this virus situation, all I see is Mother Earth taking a break from us.

If you can stop for a second and imagine Mother Earth as a human mother taking care, day and night – no sleep breaks in between – of none other than 7.8 billion kids of all ages, all characters, with different problems, going all over the playground (196.940.000 sq.mi.), getting into fights, starting wars, stealing other kids` toys, hurting and/or killing each other or other living creatures for no reason at all, poisoning the ground, the water, and the air, putting her well-being in danger as well, you might think she must be sooo damn tired and out of her wits, and you are right!

She cannot throw us into space; she cannot get rid of us while we are alive (without killing us with her own little hands 🙂 ) but she found a way to get us away from her while still keeping an eye on us. She needs some quiet time, to rest, to relax, to refresh herself and what is amazing is that she is doing it all for us! The things are very clear: no planet, no people!

What are WE doing in return while she is resting? We act like the spoiled and selfish little kids that we are: “My plans for a holiday are destroyed”, “I am getting bored in the house”, “I cannot stand doing nothing anymore”, “I miss my job” (the one that I used to hate so much, it hurt my soul), “I cannot have parties and barbeques anymore”, “I cannot take my car for a spin while being envied by my neighbors”, and the list can go on.

The only sad thing, apart from the fact that we are destroying the only thing that keeps us alive, is the death that`s occurring from the virus. No one dear to me died because of this and I am thankful every single moment. I am really sorry for anyone that lost someone dear and all I can say is that I feel they are in a better place; they are HOME and to that home, we`ll all go one day, no exceptions. I for one, can`t wait to go back.

In the meantime, why don`t we take a step back, stop making this about ourselves and move our attention to Mother Earth, her needs, her wishes, her plans for us? Why don`t we show respect to HER, the way we show respect to our own mothers?  

Happy Mother Earth Day!

P.S. I would like to say thank you to the New York Public Library for the picture.

Hiring a … CV

I am sure we all have been jobless at some point in life. I remember mine: it was horrid. Not because I didn`t have an income. No, the scariest part was to update my CV!

How can a piece of paper say anything useful about you, as a person? It says your name, your age, your gender, and then a short (or long) list of schools you attended, and then a short (or long) list of places you worked at.

Is that who YOU are?

They are also asking you to write about your personal skills and competences. You can write whatever you want because no one will see them in action before they hire you anyway.

I saw a lot of articles where they are describing how to make a bullet-proof CV but once I started reading, I got bored. Why should I be a name on a CV?

I have a friend who is reading lots and lots of CV`s (that`s one of her jobs) and she said that most of the time she is reading them vertically and she is looking for keywords that are supposed to be in every successful CV.

What this tells me is that all CVs should be standard, like the eggs in a carton. Even the eggs are different, smaller, larger, white, brown… How can you expect us to be the same when Mother Nature made us all unique!?

Since I just quit my job, I have decided to test one of my theories and I just wrote a Cover Letter in my “journalistic” style (as my tutor said when she saw my first essay 😛 ) not a “politically correct” one. Why? Because I am a firm believer that this world is made out of people, not robots, and the right person will read my letter and hire me because I am a person as well, not a CV!

* Please note: the picture used for the article was taken by Steve Harvey and posted on unspalsh.com. This way I wish to thank him very much for letting me use it.  

Guilty … as charged

As I wrote on this blog`s first page, I am writing for you, my dear friends, and sometimes, the ideas for my articles are coming from you; your problems, your questions, your struggles with life or other people.

One of the problems present in the lives of people with a conscience is the plain, old guilt. (Warning for the Virgos, you are the main “culprit” in this subject! 🙂 )

If they do something wrong or not, they feel guilty because they didn`t do more. It doesn`t matter that they don`t have the physical, material, emotional power to solve them (theirs or others) they still feel guilty. That makes them live in turmoil for days, then months until they are unable to function normally.

None of us came in this beautiful world as a Messiah with the tasks of solving everyone’s problems, being them our family or just people that we have around and love.

The intention of wanting to help, in any way, another being, is important and counts the most in our evolution. You can also help them, according to your powers and means, without selling your house or giving up your personal security.

Helping doesn`t mean giving up on yourself and your needs. If you, the helper, get to the point of endangering your health, your emotional state, your material security or life, it means that soon enough you`ll be on the other side of the barricade and you will need a lifeline. I guess you don`t want that, right?!

The thing that makes us overdo when helping is, I believe, thinking that we have more than other people.  

Everything that we have, from all points of view, we owe it to ourselves; our work, our mind, our efforts, and we need to feel pride and happiness towards ourselves, not guilt!

We forget the second thing: solving someone`s problem and “fixing” someone are two different things.

Any problem has, at least, one solution but you don`t have to solve it!

While trying to help, you might meet another person who`s idea can help you solve the problem. I am stressing the fact that you don`t have to do it on your own and it is not for the lack of thinking on your part.

In regards to “fixing” a person to fit with you (like your partner) or to fit within a place, field of work, society – that isn`t within your power, but within her/his own (free will, right?).

Guilt, in all shapes or sizes, is taught from childhood onward and is spreading, like a virus, in all areas of our life.

In a family, it is more elaborate, from the child`s guilt for not following in his parent(s) footsteps to the parent`s guilt (in case of a divorce or death of his partner) rendering him unable to find someone else to share his life with.

In a relationship it is simpler, but is still guilt: one or the other feels guilty for not being good, beautiful, smart, and/or rich enough in order to not be abandoned.

In the professional life, guilt is very hard to carry around because the employee hears he`s not qualified, prepared, agile, smart enough to carry out his tasks (especially when the number of tasks is rising by the hour but the number of hours in a working day is the same or is rising as well without being paid extra). The wages stay the same, and the person`s energy is getting lower and lower to the point where any stimulus, positive or negative, doesn`t have any effect on him.

In society guilt is generalized, so I guess is easiest to deal with because you can choose to think “I didn`t do that because I am not part of that group they are talking about”.

I will close this article with these beautiful words by David A. Bednar: “Guilt is to the Spirit what pain is to the body”.

* Please note: the picture used for the article was taken by Celine Sayuri and posted on unspalsh.com. This way I wish to thank her very much for letting me use it.