Looking for love?
Aw, love, what an amazing feeling, right?! Love is transforming our actions, our souls; makes us be the best people we can be; kind, caring, selfless, courageous, open-minded, full of life.
When it is gone we feel like some dead leaves, blowing in the wind, left & right and up & down on the life`s highway, sad, disconcerting, disconnected, useless, lost.
I was there so many times in the past and in every single instance, it felt like I was broken and put back together again. I had dark days, sleepless nights, tears all over the house, and lots of “why me”s.
Meeting someone new was hard because I was sick and tired of trials; I just wanted my “The One” so I can start living my real life. The life that I was living … well, it seemed to be an endless rehearsal.
I was meeting people but they were not my type, whichever type that was …?
I decided to take the internet way and I sign up on a few dating sites; some were asking for a monthly fee, some were free. I chose one of each, just to have more options.
I lost hours writing and deleting everything about me because I was trying to paint a perfect portrait of myself and show the real me at the same time and that, my friends, was an impossible task. 😛
“Upload your pictures here”… Oh, what a mess! Which one of us has the right pictures for a dating website on their phone or computer? Mine were either too friendly or too cold; I was either overdressed or not appropriate. None of them was perfect for this task.
Taking pictures around the house was hilarious and time-consuming; curtains up for the light, lights on – I am sure my neighbors were delighted and intrigued, as they were watching a mystery unfolding; my furniture was moved around so it can fit the only place I can put my camera on; five types of outfits, dealing with make-up and hairdos (which I normally avoid 😛 ) and … smile!
Yup, smile naturally if you can while thinking about the people who are going to judge all those pictures that you are currently taking of yourself! 😀
After everything was done and dusted, I waited, like merchandise in a store window, to be weighed, measured, analyzed and dismissed or approved of. Having a public profile made me feel naked and vulnerable.
I got nice messages from some men; I even enjoyed (rarely) meaningful conversations. I had some funny chats with a few married men looking for real love in this unfair, cruel world that invented marriage. One man, my “top of the list”, tried to get some money out of me by telling me a teary story about his life. Another one fell in love with me almost instantly (he didn`t even get my name right 😀 ) and tried to convince me to marry him and bring him to my country (which was part of the EU; his wasn`t). One, that I will never forget, was exposed by his dead (died in a horrible car crash) wife who wrote to me … I guess the internet works well between both worlds. 😉
What made me delete my profile on both websites, in the end, were the nasty, uncalled for, demeaning, disgusting, harassing messages that I got from some people. I couldn`t comprehend how can anyone be so cruel without provocation, towards a person they never met, just by seeing their picture. Some of the words I then read still echo in my head today.
Does this story sounds familiar to you, in any way?
We live in a world that`s rapidly evolving around us: computers, tablets, smartphones, (so many) websites and apps – I can barely keep up to this fast-moving technology. But we are not evolving at the same pace, we are still humans, we have the same basic needs and not all of us are experts in using the new technology. Besides, having a public profile is not fit for all of us with such a high risk of being conned and the stealing of personal information today.
We still want to find love, you`ll say. How do we do that? 🙂
Let me tell you how with another story. 😉
When Covid19 madness started I enrolled with the NHS Volunteer Responder Programme, because one of the things I love is to help people in any way I can.
One day I received a Check-in and Chat alert (making a call to somebody who is living alone and self-isolating) on the GoodSAM app and I contacted the person. That`s how I met Christopher, a very nice and kind gentleman in his 70`s. He is the main reason I am writing this article today.
His wife of eighteen years died a decade ago and his quest for finding love was full of trials and errors, online and offline.
That got me thinking of a way that is easier for everyone to get talking, avoiding the weirdness and awkwardness associated with dating websites: a red & white badge (see picture) that can be worn every day by people who are looking for a partner.
Life is short but beautiful and is meant to be shared with the right person. Finding your “hand in glove” person was always a bit tricky. That will stop here and now! Put your “I am looking for love” badge on every time you go shopping, exercising, or just walking around in our lovely Exmouth, so people like you know you are looking for love.
The badges are available by emailing: lookingforlove@jomagicworld.com. (I tried to find a store eager to help this cause by carrying the badges, making it easier for people to get them, but I could not find one).
The profits will be donated monthly, rotated between various animal shelters in Devon because Love cares about all beings. 💝
This article was also sent to a few newspapers in my area, to make sure word gets around. 😉
Adventures with a reclining sofa
Do you know how it feels to wish for something and cannot, for the life of you, give up that idea, no matter how crazy it sounds? I am not talking about dreams, because I already talked about that subject in Follow your dream!. I am talking about wishes that need at least a … human angel, because you cannot transform them into reality on your own. 🙂
When I left Romania I also left behind a bed that was a blessing for my back problems. It was actually a reclining sofa from JYSK. It was not “top of the range”, not even that expensive, but it was perfect for me. I am not going to start a monologue about this subject. You all know sleep is very important; you have each experienced at least one day after an unsettling night.
When I moved to the UK I lived in 4 places, so I slept in 4 different beds. It was not wonderful, I know, but I had no choice.
The last house I moved into had no furniture, so I had to sleep on an inflatable mattress that broke a few times, and, in the end, it looked like it went through a long string of surgeries at the hand of a savage. 😛
Going back a bit in time, since I got to the UK I kept sending packages to Romania using different courier companies which I gave up, one by one, when they messed up badly. Timo, my little bear, told me about a new company, so I started sending mine and my friends` packages through this one and everything went fine.
Regarding my bed – no matter how many stores I went to in the UK, I couldn`t find what I wanted. JYSK didn`t have any stores near me or even in my county. I started working hard towards my wish, so I wrote an email to JYSK UK, attaching the sofa`s link so they can see what I am talking about. Their answer: “We don`t sell the same products in all countries, so we don`t have that one”. I wrote to JYSK Romania to ask if they can send the bed to the JYSK UK or (please, pretty please!! 🙂 ) to my house. “It cannot be done”. 🙁 They suggested I order and pay for it and they can hold it for me for a week, while I am finding some form of transport for it because they don`t deliver.
I analyzed my options which were not merry: it implicated at least a person who had space to hold it, a van and two other people to bring it from the store and … then how will I bring it here? I thought of the fact that the bottom of the bed was made out of a very cheap material that can easily break while being transported so many times, rendering the space (under the bed) useless. In the end, I didn`t care about that, I was sure I will find a way to fix it, just to get it here!
I wrote back to JYSK Romania asking for the weight of the sofa because on their website they only had the measurements. I needed it because in the meantime I called a few British and Romanian courier companies to give me a price for bringing the sofa here and all of them asked for the weight and the measurements. Most of them said they cannot take such a long trip for a sofa (I understood was not worth the trip or the fuel for that) and one of them gave me a price that I had to say “No” to instantly (£600).
One time I met Cristi, the driver who came to pick up my packages for Romania and I asked him, on a whim, if his company has a van big enough to bring a sofa from Romania. He looked at me very naturally and said “Yes”. I thought he was kidding. He told me they transport anything that can fit into that van, any shape or size, and he showed me a little crate full of fresh tomatoes from Romania and a big fridge that was leaving the UK.
He asked about the measurements and the weight. Since I`ve done my homework I told him. He asked me where the pick-up point is? I told him that right now the sofa is in the shop, but as soon as I find a place to store it, I will let him know.
I continued my quest, looking for a person or more to help me with this. I couldn`t find any, and not for the lack of trying or bad “alliances”, but because all my friends lived in apartment buildings, so they had no storage space.
While trying and failing to find a solution to my “wishful thinking” sofa, I let myself be “seduced” by a sofa from DFS, which looked a bit like the one I wanted. I called the company and asked where can I go to see it? They said that`s not possible because that sofa was one of the many items that can only be ordered online, so I will get to see it when it is in front of my door! I couldn`t agree to that, I wanted to make sure it is what I wanted, to sit on it, to touch it and so on.
A few days later I got a call from DFS saying that they now have what I wanted in a store, so I can go and see it. A customer ordered it and when it got to his house he couldn’t bring it in, in any way, because it was bigger than any of his entrances, so he had to return it. It was reduced in price, they even offered free shipping because they didn`t have space to keep it in their store, but they added I will have it in 2 to 3 weeks!! I thought it`s a sign. I signed the papers agreeing to pay for it over the course of 12 months. (But … two weeks later I witnessed a miracle, so I had to call DFS and cancel my order. They were not happy, I thought as much, but they accepted my motives.)
I wrote to Cristi that I have to postpone my wish because I am coming up with nothing. His company was in Focsani, my sofa would`ve been in Bucharest (102 miles away). I didn`t have anyone living close to his town, to make it easier for him to pick it up.
He asked me which store sells that sofa and which one is it and the next day he wrote me his bank account number so I can send him the money for it. I didn`t think twice, I sent the money and I waited for Saturday (his normal drop-off day) like it was Jesus` second coming!
Cristi got to my house on Sunday around noon and he had to take everything out of the van to get to my sofa. I was like a crazy flea, jumping around, helping with boxes and bags, and not knowing what to do with my happiness that was bursting from the inside. I even jumped in his arms with tears in my eyes, kissing his face. Cristi is a big guy, quiet and calm, who`s demeanor doesn`t invite hugs and kisses, but he was sweet enough to bear my happiness because he understood how important was what he did for me. To me was not just a sofa, it was something that I deemed necessary to my well-being.
He told me that after he found the sofa on the website, he called the store to see if they had it in stock in his town. They didn`t. He looked further away but he couldn’t find it. He managed to find it in Buzau (42 miles away) and it had the color I wanted (even if I told him from the start that I don`t care about the color, I just want that style of a sofa).
With his and his colleagues` help, we managed to take it into the house. It only had 56 kg (123 lbs.) but it was hard to maneuver in tight spaces specific to the UK houses.
That night was the first of many in which I could rest and relax, pain-free, and it is all because of Cristi and his colleagues` kindness, who made my wish come true in one week, a wish that I tried to plan for over 3 years.
I don`t know if Cristi Anghel would ever read this article, but my thoughts of gratitude will always be directed towards him and his magic colleagues and I want to say a big THANK YOU for the people they are! And to add that, no matter when they will get in my vicinity, they are always welcomed, with love, into my little house!
In their company`s offering, it is not written: ”We do your shopping and we deliver it to your door”. They only carry packages from point A to point B (actually more “points” than that). Even if it seems easy, it is not. They drive day and night thousands of miles while more times than not are being called by angry and anxious customers. Sometimes they barely have time to eat because they are on the clock, no matter the season. However, they can still find the power to smile and joke and bring joy to people.
My lesson was that the Universe has simple solutions to everything we need, we just have to ask, be clear about it and it is done! It will always send beautiful people in our way, to help us solve the “unsolvable”, shielding us from planning and solving complicated equations.
*The picture for the article is showing my real and dear sofa 🙂 .
Never look down on anybody unless …
My little bear asked me a few days ago to write an article about pride (of course I pushed you in front, Timo, I am not going to pride myself with your idea 😉 ).
I did some research inside myself and around me to find some examples otherwise, how can I get into the subject I want to write about?
I never liked to learn empty words and cold phrases. I had a history teacher, Doru Dumitrescu, a great man, a passionate teacher. He would never read the lessons from the book. I never saw him open our history book or read from it. He was sitting at his desk, told us what is the title of today`s lesson after which he would start telling us stories about the subject. It was like watching a movie! He would correlate the story with the dates in such a way that when I got home, I just read the lesson once and remembered everything he told us. It was that easy!
But let`s go back to the pride. What is pride? Well, I could copy the definition from the internet but I chose to do what my teacher was doing, or better, I can play that role 🙂 .
Pride is like a double-edged sword.
The positive side appears in a natural way when I`ve been successful, when I had a great idea, when I helped someone with something they couldn`t have done on their own, when I met a goal, when someone close to me has been victorious in some way. If I immerse in that soul-uplifting feeling right then and there, I can boost my self-esteem, I become positive, I feel happy, it feeds my soul and it stimulates me to do more special things, for my own good and for those around me.
The negative side appears when something inside me feels hurt, misunderstood, unappreciated, ignored, used, by an external source. It can be a real situation but, most of the time it is only our mind`s creation, all because we are not able to communicate the right way with the people around us. At that moment, the amazing pride that gave us wings is now growing horns on us.
The reactive pride, let`s call it, is like an erupted volcano, it changes my entire behavior towards everyone around me and the only thing that I want is to punish the guilty parties. It starts with a boost of self-esteem, as powerful as the one in the positive pride, but these feelings are not based on real facts. In other words, I am proud just because I think I am right and you are wrong. In reality, I am not smarter, more beautiful, more educated, but I am superior to you just because I BELIEVE I am, and it is so easy, I am actually happy to look down on you, from my high throne covered in soft pillows! 🙂
If you try to explain to me that I am mistaken, you better run for your life, otherwise, I will hurt you with every single letter that leaves my mouth! If you try to ignore me, ha! Who do you think you are? If you try to give me advice or teach me something in a gentle, kind manner, you better give up! Didn`t you understand yet? I know everything!
Another form of the negative side of pride, one that I encountered in a few relationships, was the passive one, which is like a latent volcano. My behavior will change towards everyone or just towards the guilty person, which I will totally ignore for as long as I wish. It can be an hour, half a day or even a week. I will not accept any kind of reconciliation; I will start chatting with everyone in my phonebook, I will laugh and tell interesting stories, while you are around, to hear me that I can have fun and live my life without you. You hurt me, now it is your turn, see if you like it? You don`t know how you hurt me? It doesn`t matter, I don`t know either, but I will never admit it!
The negative side doesn`t disappear unless we become aware of the behavior we have while under its spell and we want to transform it into something positive. The difficult thing is that the emotions and power that feeling gives us have the same intensity, so we don`t see anything bad in it.
“Never look down on anybody unless you are helping them up.” Jesse Jackson
I want to thank Zdeněk Macháček for the picture he provided for this article.
Breathe in, breathe out, relax!
I was dabbling in yoga, Reiki and everything I could find of the healing arts and I realized I cannot meditate like a normal person (OK, who`s normal? 😛 )
I knew a lot of people able to do it, but as soon as I sat down and concentrated, my thoughts were going bananas, they were stepping on each other`s toes, trying to get first to the front of my mind.
I was doing what I was taught, acknowledge them, and send them on their merry way, but the thoughts were stronger.
Oliver, my Reiki teacher, gave me the name of an app, Insight Timer, which was dealing with all kinds of meditation. I installed it and went on „a run” to find something fit for me.
I chose guided meditation because instead of me fighting with my thoughts, I could just listen to someone telling me what to do, in a very kind, relaxing tone.
I chose one of them, 30 minutes long, to have time to relax properly and I heard a very soothing voice telling me what to do. After going over every single muscle in my body, the voice told me to imagine a big, green, and full of life garden. I did. It was my grandma`s garden, behind the house, where I used to spend a lot of time climbing the trees, looking for the elves and fairies from grandpa`s stories, talking to crows, „cooking” – in the animals` trough – all the veggies I could find in the garden, reading, under the walnut`s shade, the stories about the Olympian gods. Anyway, I was happy I found a proper garden to be in while meditating.
The voice said to imagine that the Sun was setting and his rays were coming from behind me, engulfing me in a purple coat of ….wait, what? Now I have to move on the other side of the garden? I was sitting comfortably on the side where the Sun was rising, not setting! OK, I will move, wait for me!
I moved (in my head) to the other side of the garden so I could see the Sun setting to the agreed rules of this meditation.
The voice continued saying that if I look in front of me I am going to find some stairs so I should go forward until I see them clearly. Hm, OK, if you say so, I will go. I started walking slowly until I got to the end of the garden and when I found the stairs I was wondering what are they doing there because that was the fence!
The voice said I should go down the stairs, slowly. I tried to, but the fact that I was in front of a fence was very annoying. What the voice was saying was that someone dug up some stairs that went under grandma`s fence!
I kept going as slow as I could but I was in the dark, on some steps, trying to balance the smells I was supposed to smell, the birds I was supposed to hear and, a new addition: the steps went into a second garden!
My brain went crazy: Is there another garden underground under grandma`s garden?? Does grandma know that? I knew that house and garden from top to bottom, I even went into the attic once and I almost gave myself a heart attack because I found grandma`s coffin and, inside it, were new clothes, towels, and handkerchiefs, new dishes, and cutlery, waiting patiently for her to die, so we can use them for her funeral (she bought all those things, cautious lady, ready for everything 🙂 )! Anyway, if that second garden was there, I, for sure, would`ve found it!
The voice continued, unable to hear the chatter of my thoughts fighting amongst each other, saying that in the second garden there are very bright, colorful flowers, butterflies and birds, and, on top of trying to see that, there was a fountain which sound I was supposed to hear. Wait a second, Sir! You want to tell me that we are dealing with a sunset, an underground garden (lights out!) and I am supposed to believe that not only I am able to see that as clear as day, but the birds and the butterflies refused to go to sleep tonight and they are flying all over the place?! I can imagine a lot of things, but not things that contradict my logic or the way this world is moving.
I stood up on my bed and stopped the meditation, realizing I had the opposite feeling of the one meditation is supposed to bring. Because I don`t enjoy feeling angry, I called Lucy and told her the story in a funny way. Her laughter cleaned my soul and I considered that meditation a success!
Every one of us is learning in different ways in and from life, depending on our perception of things. For me, water is essential when I drink it. For fish – it`s the only place they can live.
Holiday Spa Adventure
Every year on my birthday I am in another country, that`s why I set my holiday dates around that time. Since I want to spoil myself with a great gift, I choose a Spa. Not because it`s fancy, but because it’s supposed to be relaxing.
I had an opportunity to feel relaxed in Fuerteventura, going to my hotel`s Spa. I went to make an appointment but they were short-staffed and all booked on my birthday, so I made an appointment two days later, before lunch.
With an open soul, a singing heart, and a sprint in my step, I went, on the set date, to the spa in the hotel`s basement. I paid for 30 minutes of body scrub, 30 minutes express facial, and a detox tea.
I was full of hope (I didn`t have the luggage full of dreams with me 😛 ) while entering the reception area. A young lady greeted me, asked me: “English or German?”, showed me to a seat and gave me a form to fill out (she wanted my name, email, mobile number, but she was not interested in any allergies I might have).
I wrote everything and signed it. The same young lady accompanied me into a spacious room with one bed, a sink with a wide mirror, and a shower room.
She asked me “English or German” (yes!), she told me in a few mangled English words to get undressed, she gave me a sealed pair of panties and she showed me (the way you see the flight attendants showing you how to use the safety vest) the bed on which to sit with the towel used as a cover.
“She said jump, I said how high” 🙂 , so I jumped on the bed which was covered with a big plastic sheet. An instant thought went through my mind because that looked like a scene from a movie with a serial killer`s bed; he liked to keep his “place of work” spotless and tidy 😉 .
Elena came back (that was her name) and asked me “English or German”. I said English again. I guessed I could`ve said anything at that point because I was sure she knew the same amount of words in German as well.
Without a warning (verbal or otherwise 😛 ) about her next move, she lifted the bed until I was in a sitting position and she placed my hands on my chest, like a Pharaoh, so I can hold the towel in position and then applied some sticky and cold substance on my back. That made my heart skip a few beats.
She pushed me back onto the bed and let it down, she covered my head and face with some flannels and she continued applying that freezing gel all over my body. It felt like I was submerged in a bathtub full of ice cubes.
When she finished she wrapped me up like a mummy in the plastic sheet and left me there for a while, without saying a word, closing the door with a loud “thud” that made me jump out of my skin.
I jumped when I heard the door again, this time the noise was like someone was moving very heavy furniture around the room. I couldn’t see anything through that flannel so I was thinking to myself: ”These people are moving out and they will forget about me, here, dressed to kill”.
I started thinking of a Reiki relaxation technique and I calmed down a bit. I didn`t have time to get to the end of it because I jumped again. That damn door!
Elena was back; she went through a few of the steps of a facial in a hurry (maybe that meant “express” 😛 ) like she was afraid her boss will catch her in the act of working outside of her hours.
She left me again, like a candy wrapper on a bench, but this time remembered to tell me, so I prepared myself for the door banging.
I finished my relaxation technique when I was startled again by that door. Then I heard the shower running.
Without saying a word, she yanked the towels and the flannels that were covering me, just like a toreador that wants to annoy the hell out of a bull; she lifted the bed so fast that I was already contemplating kissing the floor very soon. I realized that my arms were wrapped tight on both sides of my body, like a crepe, so I could not break a fall. The sliding stopped and I felt some slippers on my feet. Since she didn`t say anything I have decided to guess her thoughts (yeah, Wicca has its uses 😀 ) and I sat up at the edge of the bed. She showed me the shower room, the way you show a caveman “fire bad” and she mimed for me to go and use it.
I moved slowly, like a baby who`s starting to find their feet, sticking to the plastic more with each step I took, and when I got into the shower she helped me get free. She showed me a towel I can use to dry myself and she left.
I turned on the water but on today`s “offer” was only the cold one, so I tried to play with that single handle with no symbols to show which is which. I waited for a while trying both sides and when I found the right one, I saw myself covered in mud, like a little devil.
I tried to hang the showerhead in the standing position because I needed at least two hands to get rid of that stubborn mud. The shower stand was as high as a basketball basket and no matter how much I tried to get to it, all I managed to do was to wet my hair and face so I gave up. I tried the best I could to clean myself with one hand. It took me a lot of time, patience, and concentration to stand up on two feet because everything was slippery. When I finally finished and got out victorious to dry, I saw myself in the mirror. My back and the back of my legs were still black. I lost my nerve to get back into the shower; I used the towel to dry, I jumped into my clothes, got out of the room, left Elena five euros (why? I don`t know…) and I flew back to my room, boiling like a teapot (since Elena forgot about the detox tea that was part of the offer).
I felt disappointed and I didn`t know who to blame: the school Elena went to study massage or the employer that hired her. I studied one module of massage, I know what is supposed to happen there and I always expect to receive what Mara, my teacher from Dragomir`s Massage School taught me but I guess not every student is as lucky as I am. Too bad we cannot give ourselves a massage.
Another disappointment was that whatever I paid for (in the advertisement) was not what I received. Body scrub is not synonymous with body wrap!
My room was happy to see me. The feeling was mutual. I went into the shower and washed away my sins, no, sorry, the mud. I burst into laughter when I remembered that, while walking up the stairs to my room, there was a gentleman in front of me which I passed in a hurry. When I got in front of him, he asked me if I had an accident. The spa thing was still going around in my head so I didn`t pay attention to anything, therefore I didn`t reply. It just dawned on me what he was asking me 😀 .
Post Office adventure
This adventure took place in 2015 (yeah, same year, very busy one 🙂 ).
I found on Olx.ro a person who was selling the style of clothing I like to wear: gothic, medieval, renaissance, etc. and I was waiting, with the excitement of a volcano waiting to erupt, for the package.
I went to the Post Office no. 77 (it`s going to go down in history!), very close to my workplace, and I waited in the queue. I was calm, my headphones were filling my ears with amazing music and I was feeling good. There were three people in front of me, and the postal worker was moving quite fast, so I was sure I will be on my way to work pretty soon.
I read all the leaflets that were plastered all over the walls (at least 10 times), then I saw a 10 bani coin and I kept staring at it for as long as I could (I picked it up when I left, as a gift for my Brownie 🙂 ).
45 minutes later I finally got in front of the counter. I handed out a notarized copy of my ID to the postal worker and I said that I came to pick up my package.
She looked at the photocopy of my ID and she said with great importance (like the mysteries of the world were streaming through her lips):
– This is a photocopy of your ID.
– (Really ?? Oh, thank God you told me; that`s why I came to you, guys, to enlighten me!) Yes, Ma’am. I lost my ID, but I have this copy which I am using until I receive the new one.
– When did you lose it?
– (In which way is this relevant to this situation? Would you like to go on a search and rescue mission?) A few months ago, but I neglected to renew it.
– Don`t you have another ID on you?
– Yes, I have my employment ID card.
– Don`t you have a passport? The employment ID card is not acceptable.
— (So… let me get this straight: my employment ID card expires as soon as I take it into a post office. I have to tell my employer about this, dreadful company! My passport has, just like my ID, my picture and my name. If you are afraid I found, on the street, a photocopied ID which looks, astonishingly, exactly like me, and I came to this post office to pick up a package I wouldn`t know about if I was not waiting for it, then I really want to go to the post office detective course that you studied at!) I don`t have a passport, Ma`am.
Behind me, in the queue, a gentleman barges into our chat, trying, I guess, to help the postal worker, in her quest:
– Don`t you even have a driving licence?
– (Why, in the name of God, should I have one of those? It would have my picture and my name, exactly like my passport and employment ID card! What are you trying to identify here? Did I come to pick up a large amount of money and you are afraid it does not belong to me? Maybe I am a drug or arms dealer and you want to catch me in the act, while I am using forged documents. I`m not bloody Al Capone … I am better than him!) I don`t have a driving licence.
– Will you pay for the package?
– No, Ma`am, I already paid through bank transfer. I only came to pick it up.
– I am sorry, but I cannot give it to you …(she already had a brainstorming session with one of her colleagues from that amazing post office, one that had a nose for the petty crooks like myself, who are always up to something rotten).
– OK. So … how should I proceed now, to be able to gain possession of my package?
– Well, you have to tell the sender to go back to her post office and to write a statement that the package no. X, weighing Y lb. will be picked up by another person, of your choosing, who has a proper ID.
– (OK, then! Why don`t we make this situation more complicated, because it was way too simple, and for three damn second-hand shirts we can involve two post offices from two different cities and two people that don`t know each other, but they are exchanging goods, for more than 6 months, with no problems? Long live the Romanian Post Office!) It is unlikely for this to happen because the person who sent the items lives in a village and they have to travel to the nearest post office which is 30 miles away. It doesn`t seem fair to put them through this for three shirts.
– But I can keep your package here for a month, so you have enough time to solve the problem.
– (So you can hold my package according to your rules that clearly state that you will start charging me a fee after the third day. In other words, I am paying you to hold on to my package that you refuse to give me. Again, I am amazed by the training business courses you guys seem to attend. My logic bows before yours!) OK, understood. Thank you very much.
– I am sorry I cannot be of any further help.
– (Not as sorry as I am for your brain that wants to burst out of your skull, but cannot find the exit. I am sure you will go home crying because you couldn`t help me). Have a good day!
I stormed out of that place and I called Nick because she used to work at a post office. She told me to go back and talk to the manager. I told her if I go back and find the same postal worker, I will take a bite of her flesh, give it to Maiyun (one of my friends, who`s a doctor) to analyze it because I really wanted to know what that person was eating that made her so damn smart 😀 !
Needless to say, I went back there the next day, holding my passport, my document whose pride and joy was to prove that I am … me, and guess what? The same postal worker was there, to greet me. I don`t know if she remembered my face or just the dull conversation we had the day before, but she made me very happy by giving me my prize possession.
You can`t have your cake and eat it!
Today I have for you a tragicomedy which took place in 2015.
I was living in Laura`s studio (proud member of A Bunch of Magic family 🙂 ), in the middle of Bucharest and I was going about my normal, happy life. The neighbors started to know me; with some of them, I even collaborated on some projects regarding our lovely building.
One spring morning I opened the door to find Ms. F. in front of it. She seemed very excited. She was holding a gift bag and, with a trembling voice and a big smile, she said she came to congratulate me for getting married and she even brought me a wedding gift.
My face went from “Oh, thank you!” to “Wait, w-h-a-t?” in like 3 seconds because I didn`t understand how SHE thought I got married, since I, THE BRIDE, hadn`t. That scene seemed to be from a totally different movie (as Lucy likes to say).
After using my entire reserve of courtesy and a few well put questions to find out what convinced me, finally, to get married, in her Universe, I discovered that, in fact, her information was gathered the old way – eavesdropping – to a conversation that took place between some neighbors, at the building`s entrance.
At the end (I thought it was the end, poor me) she wished me love and happiness and all that wedding/marriage stuff. I said thank you but I reinforced the fact that I am sure it is just a name error (the bride had the same first name as me and she was living in the same apartment building).
She assured me she found out from my father-in-law that I got married to his son, the priest! I told her my boyfriend has a beard with a goatee but I know for a fact he`s not a priest (Or was he? Now she planted the seed of doubt in my head … 🙂 ).
After secular struggles (OK, our encounter didn`t last for 30 years, but to me, it felt like an eternity) she finally understood she had made a mistake, but, since she came to my door, she will leave me the gift, because she knew and liked Laura, and since I was Laura`s friend, I guess, in her mind, I was a good person, too. And yes, she did what she had said; she handed me the gift, even though I kept insisting she should give it to the real bride when she discovers who that is.
I knew Ms. F. from a few fleeting encounters and I managed to see that she had a few mental health issues; so I decided to keep the gift, a smoothie maker, the exact same way she gave it to me. I only took it out of the gift bag and put it in my wardrobe and I erased the gift and the event from my mind.
Six months later … I was getting ready to go to a seminar when I heard the doorbell. I thought it was Nick (another member of A Bunch of Magic 🙂 ) because she called me earlier saying she will come over to bring some clothes so I can take them to church or to give them away to people that might need them.
I opened the door smiling but the smile just dropped instantly from my face. Ms. F. was back in the game!
She looked upset and she started talking right away, jumping over the “Hello, how are you” and the rest of the boring introduction that makes our life more pleasant, with a serious tone of voice, urging me to give her the warranty paper from the smoothie maker, because she needs it urgently!
I opened the wardrobe and handed her the gift the way she gave it to me, unopened. It had a paper inside but I didn`t know what that was since, as I said, I never opened it. She questioned me why I didn`t use it. I told her, penitently, that I am not crazy about fruits and I didn`t see the logic of opening it just to gather dust. I felt a bit guilty, in front of this force of nature that was able to read into the depths of my soul and discovered one of my greatly hidden sins 😛 .
After she finished reading the paper, she declared, full of wisdom, that it was not the warranty certificate, but the juices recipes. I assured her I don`t have any other papers. She said that both the receipt and warranty were in the box with the smoothie maker. I said that might be possible, maybe I threw them away when I threw the box away. She kept insisting that I should look all over the house. She was a step shy of pushing me into the house to oversee the search I was doing, saying bitterly: “You didn`t even deserve it; you are not my friend!”
I tried for 15 minutes to explain the same thing, over and over again; I even told her she can take the gift back since it was unopened by me (I didn`t want to be malicious and say that I didn`t actually need it).
She looked at me like I was the one coming to her door trying to sell her my worn out panties. She vehemently declined to take it back and she left shouting, to leave the warranty in her letterbox when I find it, preferably very soon (oh, God, the echo on that stairwell was amazing!).
This dialogue took place with incredible speed, giving me no time to reflect or react.
As soon as I shut my door (and my blood pressure got back to normal) I remembered that, in fact, she didn`t give me the smoothie in a box, but in a shopping bag with knotted handles which was put in a gift bag. So I didn`t actually throw away any box! I didn`t have any reason to open it, knowing I will never use it.
What followed were a few days of reflection and analysis about my options at the end of which my brain gave birth to an idea; to write a few words, attach them to the gift and take them to her door. Knowing her state of mind (probably bipolar) and wishing to avoid any way of causing her more distress (to her and to myself), I asked for help from an angel. Not a heavenly one, but the wingless, earthly one. More accessible, I guess 😉 .
Mr. V. worked as a cleaner in our building and was the maintenance guy as well; he was very well-liked because he was helping everyone with whatever he could. We gained each other`s respect over the years; I helped him a few times so that made me work up some courage and approach him with my problem. When I said what I need him to do he looked a bit uneasy, but he said he will do it.
Three months after the second encounter I ended this “affair” on my terms, when Mr. V. delivered the gift, along with a letter, that read:
“Dear Ms. F.,
Considering our previous conversation in which you stated that I am not worthy of this gift (that you brought to my door in error) I am returning it to you, the way it was given, without the box.
I am really sorry that you have such a poor opinion of me and, to be of assistance, I am going to kindly ask you to never contact me again, in any way because I don`t deserve to be one of your acquaintances.
I wish you a beautiful day!
Jo”
We never met after that, not even accidentally. One year later I left my country, so the chances of “the third encounter” went down to zero 😀 !
Family vs. Friends (a.k.a. A Bunch of Magic)
I recently received an email that drove me to write this article.
All beings are born and die alone, but from the moment they are born `till they get to the … final earthly countdown, they meet other beings who help them build, bit by bit, their own character; they either push them further on a higher road or they hinder their evolution; some will open a window for them, others will close the door. Some will be with them for a moment, some for a while, others will be there, at their side, forever. We need ALL these beings in our lives because they help us evolve.
The one that reaches out to help us needs to be appreciated on the same level as the one that shuts the door in our face; the last one was sent by the Universe to tell us: ”This is not the road you need to take, try next door!”
The ones that are walking with us on the same path and support us become our friends. If they manage to withstand the test of time, they become part of our soul family.
I was lucky enough to have a lot of friends, the most wonderful and noble beings, that fate brought in my way, throughout my life, reason enough to see them as part of my family.
Some of them stayed with me for a while, then our ways parted; others stuck by my side until today and I want to thank them for the patience and love they showed me. I know I can be a difficult person but they managed to ignore that small, insignificant fact 🙂 and made me happy by staying in my life.
So, I am one of those people that have a big and diverse family, made out of friends, of all “shapes and sizes”; a united, beautiful, strong family, which I love and respect and keep close through thick and thin.
I know cases in which the natural family was not able to provide a stable, warm and caring environment for the individual. He tried his best, most of his life, to integrate, emotionally striving, but was left with a thirst for belonging.
I don`t consider building a family ourselves a bad thing. I don`t see anything wrong in feeling “as a family” with people that are not our blood relatives.
In Romanian there is a saying: ”Blood will never become water” but I am inclined to reject it. As in any relationship, when all fails, it`s better to withdraw and invest your energy in something that brings you satisfaction, peace of mind, in people that are on the same level of vibration with you and complete you.
I know what I am saying sounds cruel and heartless, but we are all special, unique beings and we have the right to choose who we are spending our time with, who makes us feel happy and harmonious, with whom we are able to be ourselves, without the fear of being judged and blamed for everything. The ones that see us for who we are and accept us that way are really our family.
There are families that use emotional blackmail to keep the person enslaved, making him feel guilty, indebted to them, useless without them, without an exit, because “you cannot choose your family”.
I know the saying, but it supports the exact same thing as the Romanian one, and I have to insist that there is another option; you CAN build your own family, one that gives you the feeling of peace, well-being, acceptance, belonging, understanding, moral and emotional support, and unconditional love.
There are parents that think of themselves and act as masters towards their children because they didn`t understand they created free beings. They gave them life for themselves, not for their own personal use. They created a being so that being can experiment life on their own terms, make their own choices, be the only master of their life. The parents are meant to be teachers, guides and educators.
I am writing this article for you, my dear friends, my lovely family made out of the most beautiful, wonderful people; the ones that stood by me when I was happy and sad, when I was full of joy and in big trouble, when I kept silent for months at a time and they respected my choice without feeling left out or abandoned. When they offered me guidance and help without acting as my judge or expected something in return, when they cried and laughed with me, when they supported my craziest ideas. They love me and I love them back, no matter how often or rarely we talk, no matter in which part of the world we are.
When I am in their presence our souls vibrate until we melt into each other, forming one big soul. I feel my heart full of joy equal only to the one felt by hermits when they are in the presence of greatness.
I feel tears in my eyes only if I think of how modest, beautiful and bright they all are, as they are made out of feelings, not flesh.
Since they are part of my life, they will be in my articles from time to time.
I feel honored by their presence, I feel complete and the only wish I have is to have them by my side for as long as possible.
Family is the basic cell of society… What do we do if we are not lucky enough to have one that helps us grow and become the best we can be? No, we are not alone, and we are able to find people like us and have the family we want and need.
I know beautiful families composed of grandparents, parents, children, grand-children and I also know beautiful families that are not blood-related.
Both are the basic cells of our society, a healthy and harmonious one.
P.S. “A family of kindred spirits is like a plate of food. No matter where they are coming from, together they form a great dish” (Lucy is a wise-ass 🙂 ).
Also, we thought since houses have names in some parts of the world; why not find a name for our family? And since they are a lovely bunch and they appeared in my life when I was lost and gave up hope, we decided to call our family A Bunch of Magic.
Shush!! Mother Earth is resting :)
Today, 22.04.2020, we celebrate (as we do every year) “Earth Day” so I have decided to write this article, in her honor.
A lot of people are crying because their lives are being disrupted by the Coronavirus.
I heard lots of opinions about this: some are blaming a conspiracy brought by the Chinese, Russians and/or Americans, some blame the system (Which system? Doesn’t matter! A system, any system, they are so many … ), some think that is a god sent period for some to rest, a curse for some to die and for others to lose their businesses.
No one asked me, I know, but you cannot make me shut up as long as I have a brain full of words which are trying to escape my mouth every time I try to breathe, eat or just yawn 🙂 , so let me tell you those thoughts.
With a few exceptions (yes, a few compared to the number of people that live on Mother Earth today) people are taking everything for granted: breathing, moving around, seeing, hearing, smelling, Nature and their surroundings, their bodies, and, finally the ground beneath their feet: the planet we were very lucky to be born on.
Does anyone know what were the chances of our lovely planet being able to sustain life? Slim to none! BUT something, actually a lot of amazing and unique “somethings” happened, and if you want to find those out, watch “The Universe” (2007-2015) on Netflix still, and Brian Cox`s “The Planets” (2019) (on BBC iPlayer). After seeing those series I was mesmerized and I realized that there was a 99.99% chance for our planet not to be, therefore the same chances of us NOT to be here!
No matter who or what is to blame for this virus situation, all I see is Mother Earth taking a break from us.
If you can stop for a second and imagine Mother Earth as a human mother taking care, day and night – no sleep breaks in between – of none other than 7.8 billion kids of all ages, all characters, with different problems, going all over the playground (196.940.000 sq.mi.), getting into fights, starting wars, stealing other kids` toys, hurting and/or killing each other or other living creatures for no reason at all, poisoning the ground, the water, and the air, putting her well-being in danger as well, you might think she must be sooo damn tired and out of her wits, and you are right!
She cannot throw us into space; she cannot get rid of us while we are alive (without killing us with her own little hands 🙂 ) but she found a way to get us away from her while still keeping an eye on us. She needs some quiet time, to rest, to relax, to refresh herself and what is amazing is that she is doing it all for us! The things are very clear: no planet, no people!
What are WE doing in return while she is resting? We act like the spoiled and selfish little kids that we are: “My plans for a holiday are destroyed”, “I am getting bored in the house”, “I cannot stand doing nothing anymore”, “I miss my job” (the one that I used to hate so much, it hurt my soul), “I cannot have parties and barbeques anymore”, “I cannot take my car for a spin while being envied by my neighbors”, and the list can go on.
The only sad thing, apart from the fact that we are destroying the only thing that keeps us alive, is the death that`s occurring from the virus. No one dear to me died because of this and I am thankful every single moment. I am really sorry for anyone that lost someone dear and all I can say is that I feel they are in a better place; they are HOME and to that home, we`ll all go one day, no exceptions. I for one, can`t wait to go back.
In the meantime, why don`t we take a step back, stop making this about ourselves and move our attention to Mother Earth, her needs, her wishes, her plans for us? Why don`t we show respect to HER, the way we show respect to our own mothers?
Happy Mother Earth Day!
P.S. I would like to say thank you to the New York Public Library for the picture.
Hiring a … CV
I am sure we all have been jobless at some point in life. I remember mine: it was horrid. Not because I didn`t have an income. No, the scariest part was to update my CV!
How can a piece of paper say anything useful about you, as a person? It says your name, your age, your gender, and then a short (or long) list of schools you attended, and then a short (or long) list of places you worked at.
Is that who YOU are?
They are also asking you to write about your personal skills and competences. You can write whatever you want because no one will see them in action before they hire you anyway.
I saw a lot of articles where they are describing how to make a bullet-proof CV but once I started reading, I got bored. Why should I be a name on a CV?
I have a friend who is reading lots and lots of CV`s (that`s one of her jobs) and she said that most of the time she is reading them vertically and she is looking for keywords that are supposed to be in every successful CV.
What this tells me is that all CVs should be standard, like the eggs in a carton. Even the eggs are different, smaller, larger, white, brown… How can you expect us to be the same when Mother Nature made us all unique!?
Since I just quit my job, I have decided to test one of my theories and I just wrote a Cover Letter in my “journalistic” style (as my tutor said when she saw my first essay 😛 ) not a “politically correct” one. Why? Because I am a firm believer that this world is made out of people, not robots, and the right person will read my letter and hire me because I am a person as well, not a CV!
* Please note: the picture used for the article was taken by Steve Harvey and posted on unspalsh.com. This way I wish to thank him very much for letting me use it.